Shane smiles and nods.

“So yeah I joined up with this band of surfers. And this one chic she taught me everything I know. And she taught me some other things…you know what I mean…?”

“Yeah…so she was the first girl you ever got with?”

“Yeah she was great…but she died in a drive by….she was from Compton and that was that….”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok…that was a long time ago…”

Then we sit out there…for a while. We don’t talk just soak in the life around us. I never really felt comfortable being quiet around people. You know not saying anything…but Shane was like in my head and we didn’t have to have all this inane talk just to fill up the air. She was unlike anyone I have ever known.

It was getting late and I had to get Carmen back to her room. I didn’t really want to leave but visiting hours lasted till 4 on the weekend.

“We should get going” I tell her.

“Yeah we should.”

So I walk her back to her room help her get into her bed. Fluffed up her pillow. I asked her if there was anything I could get her. But she shook her head no. I was lingering in the room trying to find some way to keep myself there. Finding none I turned to go.

“Hey Shane?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks again for stopping by for a visit. I mean it when I say you made my day.”

“Sure….I’ll see you Monday…”

And I left. On the way home I started to get that uneasy feel in my stomach. My chest had that ache you know…when you start to feel that physical need for someone. The need that is compounded by the idea that maybe you felt stronger about them then you cared to admit. The sky is more clear. The birds chirp a little louder. Food tasted better than it has in weeks. All of this made feel uneasy.

I got home really feeling the need to get away from myself. So I get dressed to go out. Massive Attack was playing a show at this club up the block. And maybe I could get in if I worked my magic.