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Lest I Forget (17)
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“No, it’s okay,” she said without looking my way, trying to leave the room as she said it.
“Al,” I said before she’d totally walked out the door. Something in my voice must have stopped her, because she turned to face me, although she avoided meeting my eyes.
“Really, it’s okay. I’ll be fine until the pizza gets here. I haven’t been very hungry lately,” she said, looking at the floor rather than at me.
“What’s going on with you?” I asked. I wanted to kick myself for opening that way, but it was out before I could really think of something better to say.
“I might have picked up a bug or something; I’m sure it’s nothing serious. It’ll be gone in a day or so,” she replied, still not meeting my eyes.
“I’m not talking about your appetite!” I said, and then softened when she flinched at my tone. “I just want to know why it’s like this between us lately. Am I doing something wrong?”
“I already told you that’s not what it’s about,” she said, still not looking at me.
“Then why won’t you talk to me?” I asked. She must have heard the tears on my voice, because she finally looked at me. And then she was hugging me, and she was the one who was crying.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and it made me feel like shit.
“Don’t be sorry,” I told her, hating the fact that I’d made her cry. “I don’t want you to tell me anything until you feel ready. I just wish you were.”
“No, I’m sorry because you want me to tell you and I can’t. I want to sometimes. But I can’t, and I’m sorry for that,” she said into my shoulder, and she was still crying.
“It’s okay,” I said, and in the space of that second I couldn’t even imagine what had prompted me to bring it up in the first place. She was so obviously upset, and I felt like a total ass for not just leaving it alone like I’d been advised to do by everyone I’d spoken to about the subject. “I’m sorry I said anything, honey.”
“You don’t have to be sorry for that,” she said, hugging me tighter. “I want you to be able to talk to me. And I want to talk to you. I will, I promise. I just can’t do it right now. Can you please give me a little more time?”
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This is so not filler. I don’t think any of this story can be. Each small moment in their lives is adding up to the total that they are present day. I am excited that Alice will start therapy soon. That will be a big boost for her and Dana. I know I said this before, but, poor Dana! I gotta say, the image of Jenny trying to be menacing is a funny one. You did an amazing job here in detailing the emotions that Alice and Dana were going through after the Chicago trip. I am concerned for Alice. I guess the book could help her get through this time, but, it seems to be tearing her apart in so many ways right now. I love how you ended it — with Dana hearing the same voices that were there 40 years earlier. Really well done. Thank so much, MT!!
While feeling very bad for her predicament, I am grateful to find S, J & Charlie there to take care of D. Again, you did an outstanding job with this NOT a “filler”. I can totally picture the D’s emotion. Finally, we found out what depressed A so much. It was regrettable that A could not open up to D sooner. However, I can totally understand A being protective of D. Nonetheless, the scene was heart breaking with D watching A helplessly. Thank you for S & J again being there for them. I also echo MaGoose’s comment on the 40 years. The thought of their friendship lasting over a forty year span truly warms my heart. MT, by now, I have run out of superlatives on your incredible writing. You are a superb storyteller, for that, I thank you.
Hey sorry I haven’t been commenting lately, especially on this fab story! Really loved this particular chapter, it seems so real and believable its just ace! :D