“No, sweetie,” Shane told me brokenly. “You don’t want to see her like that.”

“Is she dead?” I asked finally, giving up the struggle. She didn’t respond verbally, but I felt her shudder, and that confirmed it for me.

I was able to glance over her shoulder at the doctors and nurses walking in and out of Alice’s room. None of them were moving quickly, and some of the nurses seemed sad. That brought it all home for me more than anything Shane had said or done.

“Helena was talking with her when I got here,” Shane said after a few minutes. “I sat with her and she didn’t look good. I thought she was just tired. But I tried to say goodbye and she didn’t move…” It was all she was able to say, but it was enough for me to know what had happened, and to know that Alice hadn’t died alone. It wasn’t much since my world was crumbling, but at least it was something small to hold onto.

“I should have been here,” I said, knowing Shane would disagree and knowing that I disagreed intellectually too. Still, my conscience told me I was guilty of not being there with Alice when she needed me, and I felt horrible for it.

“Here, love,” I heard a soft voice say what could have been hours later but was probably only a few seconds. Helena was next to us holding a paper cup, and Shane finally let me go and took it, walking quickly to the chairs before we could see her break down. Helena hugged me tightly in her place, though, and although I wasn’t really comforted by anything at that very moment, it still made me feel somehow connected to a world that felt like it was coming apart at the seams.

I don’t know how much time went by before I heard a man speaking. I looked up dazedly from where my face was buried in Helena’s shoulder and looked into the sad eyes of Dr. Ramirez, who looked like he’d been hit by a truck. “It was sudden, and she wasn’t in pain,” he told me gently. “She may have had another stroke early this afternoon; her scans indicate some fluctuation in brain activity but nothing major. I think she just…gave out. I’m so sorry, Mrs. Fairbanks. Would you like to see her?”