Tina looked at Bette, long elegant neck, drawn all the way back, breathing in deeply, as if able to inhale all this beauty, as the brunette just described it.  The blonde elected not to answer Bette’s question, instead saying quietly, “Baby we need to figure out a way to bring you back into that world.  You look like you need it… like air to breath.  It’s just such a part of you…”

Bette’s eyes flew open, and she sat upright to look at Tina, shaking her head, “No…no…not yet, T.  I think it’s still risky, and it may expose you to unnecessary danger…”

Tina cut in, “Honey… we need to figure something out.  You need it, Bette.”

Bette shook her head again, “No…no…I don’t need it.”

She paused, then stated simply, “At least not as much as I need you,” as she brought Tina’s hand, which had been grasping hers in a steadily stronger grip as they talked about this subject, to her lips.  She kissed Tina’s fingers slowly, lovingly, missing them, missing Tina, overcome with a deep ache, a sudden sense of desperation.

Tina swallowed the lump in her throat. 

“Bette, I was telling you earlier about my mom,” she paused, as Bette kept her hand on the brunette’s lips.  The brunette nodded.

“One of the core issues that surfaced in my sessions with Dan were…um.. trust issues.  I found I just really have a problem there.”

“It wasn’t just that my mother had cheated on Logan’s dad.  It was that she continued to do so, even with the next man she married…and I suspect, with my dad, so even before Logan’s dad.  It was just a…um.. pattern of infidelity that I was exposed to, by the one parent who was the constant in my life, the one parent who was, really, my whole world.  This beautiful woman, who, despite everything, really was a caring parent, towards me, at least.  Therefore, for some reason I continued to worship, her, in some way.”

Her hand was shaky, as she picked up a glass of water, to assuage a suddenly dry throat.

“Especially her cheating on Stuart, the man after Logan’s dad, because I was just entering adolescence then,” she swallowed, as she recalled a particularly painful session with Dan that dealt with this period. “Dan and I discussed how potentially damaging all of that was, having this occur just as my identity was developing.  So this thing breaks out publicly, in the small town in North Carolina we had moved to after she left Logan’s dad, just when I’m exploring my identity, trying to fit in with peers, show my worth and value… this happens.  And at the same time, feeling..I don’t know…a sense of responsibility…towards my mom.”