Later, its bedtime in Weho…

In her apartment Kit lays in bed, turning pages and laughing out loud: "I’m fucking the manny-nanny while he’s fucking the -other- nanny?… just how many motherfuckin’ nannies are there?"

 – – –
Waves crash gently against the beach as Helena reads quietly.  Then the whole bed moves as she sits up suddenly "That doesn’t even make any sense!  Why would I be getting strip-searched in a jail for stealing back the money that I won?…  Any camera in that casino would show me winning it!"   With that Helena grandly slashes another ‘X’ across a page as Dylan looks on with amusement.

– – –
Across town Shane is shaking her head slowly in disbelief, "Well, at least Jenny got one fact right; no one got married in Canada."

Hearing that, Carmen pipes up, "Yeah, that would’ve been bad – I’d have frozen my ass off in that snowy white tent.  I can see why I disappeared after that; I was looking for someplace warmer.  But you get a lot of girls to keep you warm.  Paige and Lover Cindy are looney but they sound hot.   And wait until you get to chapter 23, its an even hotter wedding because you get hired to do the bridal party’s hair, and you end up ‘doing’ everyone!"

"What?!" (with the sound of pages flipping rapidly)

– – –
Alice leans back against her headboard, "Lucky pens are cheap, cuz I think I’m gonna run out of ink.  But at least this Tasha chick sounds kinda cute…"  At that a hand shoots over from the other side of the bed and whacks Alice on the shoulder. "Ouch!"

"That’s what you get – according to the book ‘Thinking is Cheating’!"

"Hey!  You ran off with Lara 6 chapters ago, so don’t whack me you slut!"

"Yeah, but remember I was dying so it didn’t count.  People get to do anything on their deathbeds."

"Even sex?… now that sounds promising."  With that Alice threw the book on the floor and grabbed Dana instead.

– – –
"Fuck You, Jenny Schecter, just Fuck You.  I wouldn’t say that; its not even gramatically correct!"  Bette takes off her reading glasses with disgust.

"Relax Bette, relax.  Take it from me, I’ve read enough bad scripts to know most stuff written never get optioned.  And here at least you look like a genius, learning fluent sign language overnight!  Meanwhile I’m supposed to have been producing this dreck, excuse me I mean ‘Lez Dreck’, while I’m sequentially bedding a cyberfreak, a man, and finally, crazy-boobs Brenda?

"Yeah, I guess you do come off rather poorly here too, and after all the friendship you showed her when she first arrived you’d think she’d let you off easy.  But that last one Jenny gave you is an ‘art-collecting heart doctor’ for some symbolic reason, I suppose?"  Bette, eyebrows up, smiles over at Tina.

Tina smiling back, "Yes, and she did give us some fun in these last chapters.  But hasn’t it occured to Jenny that she’ll get arrested for being a peeping-Tom if this is ‘non-fiction’?

"And I can’t believe any serious editor believed Jenny when she said its ‘mostly factual’ when its obviously ‘mostly fatuous’!"

"Well, that editor did say you could call her ‘anytime’.  You could test that and call her right now – its 1 a.m. her time."

"Good idea" Bette picks up the phone and dials, and then sets it between them in speakerphone mode.

After 7 rings a sleepy voice says "Hello? .. (obviously reading caller-ID) .. ’Bette Porter?’."

"Yes, this is Bette Porter, and I just got done reading that Jenny Schecter manuscript you sent over.  You said we could call anytime."  (Bette winks at Tina, Tina does her best to wink back)

"Ah yes, yes.  Just let me grab my Palm so I can take notes.  Here we go."

"Well, actually, there are way too many corrections to do over the phone. In fact I think we’ll all have to mail you back our copies so you can look at the notes we’ve done in the margins."

Tina, whispering to Bette "And on every back page and both covers…"

"That’s fine, in fact it would be better to see them that way.   And while I have you on the phone, can I ask if you know where this ‘Moira’ is so I can send her a copy for review?  Jenny didn’t have her address."

"That’s strange, since Jenny sees her every day."

"What?  Ms. Porter, I don’t understand."

"Recall her sad ‘cutting incident’ that she writes about in Chapter 1?  That was four years ago now, and Moira is a person on the night staff in the wing where Jenny lives in the Skokie Sanitarium."