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Life changes unexpectedly – Chapter 14
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I miss you so much sometimes. Its been hard Caitlin, without you here, without Zac´s laughter filling the house, it´s been so empty without you there. Why did you have to leave? I spent so much time being angry at you, for leaving me and taking Zac with you. For leaving me alone, I´ve wished so many times that I was there too, that I had left that day too. So I could be with you, to see Zac and your face for the rest of eternity. Instead I´m here alone, with the house full of memories. Alone with my thoughts.
I haven´t been able to take any of the pictures down. It´s been too hard to even think about doing that. I f I do it will feel like that you´re really gone… But Caitlin, I need to do that now. I´ve been a mess now for over two years, I need to get on with my life, as much as it pains me to say it… I need to let you go. I don´t want to be in the hole anymore, I just want t feel again, to love again, and I don´t want to feel guilty for doing so.
If I could bring you back right now, I would do it, without blinking, but I can´t. I can´t bring you back. So I need to go the other way. The painful way of letting you go. I need to get on with my life Caitlin, I need to love again, and I´ve found someone, someone really special.
But something has been holding me a little back, and she´s noticed it.
I feel guilty, like I´m betraying you and Zac in some way. That I´m doing something wrong. I need your approval Caitlin, your approval to love again, to let you and Zac go, to be able to have a family again- As much as I fear it, I want it and also need it. You know me, I´m not cut out to be alone for a long period of time…”
Bette stops for a moment to wipe away her tears. She looks up at the stars in the sky. She smiles at a memory, before she continues with the letter…
“
Do you remember that time when I was alone with Zac for the first time? God I thought I was the worse mother in history. I couldn´t even change his diaper the right way. And I used way too much baby pouder on his tiny little but. How you laughed when you changed him later that day. I miss those little moments, that´s the moments that makes it all worth while…
I will remember those moments for the rest of my life. But I can´t relive them every day, like I have been. I need to move on, I need to be able to live and love again, with all my heart, with all that I am. I have found that special one Caitlin, I didn´t plan it or even seek it. It just happened. I guess you could say we found each other. She has opened me up again, she has slowly taken the darkness away from me. She´s opened up my heart again. A heart that was once yours and Zac´s. I need to permanently open it up again Caitlin, please let me do that?”
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That letter was very heartfelt and sad. It did though help get all those feelings out of Bette’s head and heart. Tina is so good for Bette and she will never ask Bette to totally forget about Catilyn and Zach but to love her without the ghost of them looking over their shoulders.
Great chapter and AWESOME WRITING!!! hope all is well pps!!! thank you
Sad but cathartic, for Bette and for me too; sometimes it is very hard to let go
A sad chapter to read, as it must be hard for her to let go over part of her other life, but it great to see her taking strides to a new begining.
The letter was a good idea. Please keep posting!
Take a deep cleansing breath and get back home to your woman! Seriously though Tina did th right thing by letting Bette have time to get her thoughts and feelings together. She needs to let Caitlyn and Zac go in her heart and mind but also find a spot in her heart where she can lock them away for times when she needs to remember the good times. You have to have your loved one close to you so they can touch your spirit from time to time and keep you sane but also be able to let new people in to love you and be able to love them back with all your heart. Great chapter pps.
Tough chapter, but Bette has to let go.
Hello Lauren, Good to have another great addition to this fabulous fan fiction. It was awesome. Sad and yet hopeful. Bette needed to close the door on her life with Caitlin and Zac. They will forever be in her heart but now she needs and wants to open it to Tina. Tina is here and now is their time to enjoy. I do hope that Bette goes to Tina soon abd explains the changes that she has made. Bette is now ready to embark whole heartedly of this adventure with Tina. Please continue soon. Many thanks for everything. Your Loyal Fan.
Its so hard to let go of a love that was lost so early in your life. You tuck it away in a secret place to take out and remember at times. Bad memories fades and only the good ones you keep. Go get your love Bette. thanks
A very sad chapter – wich reaches into all our hearts…….hope Bette can move on now with Tina. Saying goodbye to the past is not always easy but in the long term it is the right desission. Post soon
Wow that was sad!