For the first time in years, she didn’t associate her memories of Tina with the usual feelings of failure and loss. Closing her eyes tightly, she finally allowed all the pent-up emotions wash over her. She thought about how Tina came into her life and they started a new one together. She thought of when sex grafted into lovemaking, when adoration turned into love, and at the end of every day, the anticipation of having Tina in her home, in her bed. She thought of how her home hadn’t been a home since Tina left. She thought of her constancy that filled a void she didn’t know she even had before they met.

Bette opened her eyes and found that her hands were shaking.

~~~~~

"I was shaking. I was shaking like a fucking leaf, Alice."

Alice warily eyed a practically glowing Bette. A waitress approached the booth and served cocktails; she gave Bette a lingering look before walking away, but Bette paid her no mind. Alice tried to sound nonchalant.

"Wow. You turned someone out."

"She’s only been here for a couple of years, just moved here from North Carolina. She was raised near Carrboro – that’s where the ArtsCenter is, one of the most comprehensive – "

"Hicksville," Alice commented off-handedly, taking a sip of her drink.

Bette gave her a look. "Alice, you’ve been in L.A. too long: don’t be a snob. No, it’s really liberal there, and they have a thriving art scene – Herb Jacksen was born in Raleigh. Anyway, she went to college with a girl who was friends with the director of that Nina Simon documentary. She went along with her on set in Forest City and fell in love with filmmaking; came here straight out of school and hooked up with a new production company as a D-girl within a month," she finished proudly.

Alice couldn’t hide her incredulousness as she listened to her gush about Tina. "Bette, come on: you’re not Shane, but you’ve always had the pick of the lesbian litter – "

Irritated, Bette waved her cigarette and stubbed it out. "I’ve had plenty of meaningless sex: that’s not what I want."

Alice drew back at that remark, open-mouthed. Bette goes on, oblivious to her reaction.

"I’ve never met anyone like her. She has this innate sweetness … And it’s not naiveté: it’s a lack of guile." She let out a long breath. "You know all that crap you hear about when people fall in love? That it’s as if you’ve never lived before, or that you see the world with different eyes?" Then in a whisper, "It’s true." She gazed up at Alice with a lost expression. "When I’m with her … when I’m inside her … God … it feels like home."

Alice had been listening intently as she spoke. Finally she glanced away, a crushed look on her face. Bette came out of her reverie.

"Alice?"

"I thought I was okay about this." Tears formed in the corner of her eyes. "I mean, we just broke up before you met her, and here you are – " She threw a hand in the air, unsuccessfully keeping her voice from rising. "Head over heels for a straight chick you’ve only known for a month, and I was just some dalliance! Do you know what it’s like to hear that you’re not the one?"

Bette’s mouth opened and closed as her words sunk in. "I’m – I’m so sorry, Alice, I wasn’t thinking … " Her voice trailed away.

Alice wiped at her face angrily. "No, you weren’t: that’s your problem. And if she means as much as you say, you’ll make sure she never sees this side of you."

Alice grabbed her purse and walked away hurriedly, leaving a speechless Bette alone.

~~~~~

End Chapter Nine of Ten

[Fought two minor/major TLW folklore and went with the latter on both: (1) that Bette hadn’t smoked since she was 12 or quit 4 years previous to when the pilot aired in 2004; (2) that Bette & Alice broke up with Alice when she met Tina or were already broken up and were in their "best friend stage" when Bette first met Tina.  Hope this didn’t confuse anybody.]