Carmen who was sitting at the end of the sofa her chin resting on her knees came out of her  thoughts and looked with exhausted eyes inquiringly at Alice.

Alice nodded knowingly, like so often when they were talking about experiences with Shane she saw this pain in Carmens eyes.

She knew that Carmen didn´t know that much about Shanes past and she wanted to help Carmen to understand her girlfriend. So she told her everything she was able to and which wasn´t up to Shane to tell her.

“We had just met Dana. Myself and Dana were spending the evening together watching DVD´s at my appartment. Shane wanted to come too actually. And she came, but almost two movies too late.

We just heard a rumble at my door. It was pretty scary by the way”, Alice grinned at Dana who could remember that scenario too.

“So we opened the door armed with a pan, a remote control and a candle stick. But instead a Freddy Krueger a totally high Shane was lying infront of my door. We all knew that this kid was doing drugs but before this day we didn´t do anything about it.

She always backed away when we wanted to talk to her. Whatever…we called Bette and Tina and it took the whole night to get her sober”, Alice explained difting into old memories.

“She stayed away from drugs for a long time and until today something like this had never happened again”, Bette went on.

Carmen smiled bitterly in thought. Almost all she knew about Shane´s past was what the girls had told her.

She felt that she got through Shanes wall step by step. Just a week before Carmen came out to her family Shane had told her about her life in a children’s home in which she had stayed a few month.

It was horrible for Carmen what she had heard. No sisters and brothers, no loving parents who would always take care of you and keep you save.

Just brutal groups of kids and insensible educators who weren´t disinclined to hit the kids to get their freedom.

Tears shot into Carmen´s eyes cause she realised that Shane would never open up to her again. She wasn´t able to fight the ghost of the past together with her anymore.