“And you know, T … you know …I told you …”

“All of that was registering, as I assured you when we got together in London … but the night you told me about it, after I cried my eyes out, I resolved not to retreat into a corner. There was no way I was going to go to pieces .. I got a plan together, and seduced you in that club …”

“T … I’m sorry, again. That …”

“Bette, I went through something close to that Jenna moment tonight … and it’s killing me to … to …”

Bette stopped stroking her hair.

She shut her eyes, since the room was spinning. She pulled her arm from under Tina’s neck, and rolled to her side of the edge of the bed.  The lamp was still switched on and she sat up slowly.  Back to Tina.

“Who …”

“Kaci.”

“Kaci … oh … the woman who saved TJ …”

Bette’s shoulders had slumped, and she’d hang her head down heavily.

“She kissed me … to .. hide her face from a dangerous …” Tina’s voiced trailed off.

“I thought I was in control of what was going on, mostly. I mean … I knew she was attracted to me … but I felt I could control what was happening …”

Bette stood and started to pace.

Sometimes, it’s not who or what or when. But why …

“I’m … I’m sorry, Bette …”

Bette pounded on the wall, leaned helplessly against it, and then let out an agonized scream.

How did we get to this point, Tina? Why?

“I’m not blaming you, T…”

“Bette … no … you should … you should blame me …”

Bette turned around to face Tina, face bathe in tears.   So this is what Tina meant when she said it felt like my confession about Jenna’s and my kiss and embrace, while initiated in pretense, had gotten out of control that first night.  Tina said the words had “stopped the clock” for a good while, that it felt like her life had been squeezed out of her. 

“No … No, baby … I lost sight of you … I still loved you … but I wasn’t … we could be so much better than we are, Tina …”