In a more serious tone than she’d initially intended, Tina answered, “I think that it’s different for everyone, honestly.  With me it felt like falling off a log.  It was that easy.   With Bette, well, she’s told me a lot of times that it felt like flying, like jumping off of a cliff without a net but trusting that she wasn’t to crash land anywhere.”

“I think the only way you can find out is … to actually have the feeling.”

“But how would I know if I am having that feeling?”

Tina thought back to her own nervousness while sorting out her feelings for Bette early on in their relationship.   There’d been moments, such as during the Ferris wheel ride in Paris, when she actually felt like letting the “butterflies in the stomach” feeling slide.  She’d tried to convince herself that she couldn’t afford the vulnerability she would surely expose herself to if she continued to let this feeling grow.

“Let’s try to look at this from another angle, Jade.”

“What’s worrying you about what you’re feeling for Rian?”

Jade slowly blew a breath out. It wasn’t so much a worry as it was a full-blown insecurity. Now that she was at the cusp of making the biggest decision of her life, she wasn’t sure if she’d really gotten to a good place.  That she was mature enough to ask someone; and not just anyone.  Rian.  To ask Rian to entrust her heart to Jade.  Where would she get the courage, the nerve to do that?  A same sex relationship was one thing; but a same-sex marriage?

“You’ve been with her for about four years, now. That must be the longest continuous romantic relationship you’ve ever had, right?”

Jade thought about Ali and the fun they’d had early into their relationship, but which they couldn’t sustain.  And then she remembered Fabienne, and how impressed Jade had been about everything about Fabienne, her family, and New York.

“What makes your relationship with her different?” Tina’s question brought her back.

Jade rubbed her lip and started to pace around their garden. “She says our relationship is a sanctuary from the frailty of human existence that she feels we’re all vulnerable to.”

“I’m impressed,” Tina teased. She liked gently teasing her cousin only because she knew Jade was well aware of how proud Tina was about what Jade and Rian had managed to build in their lives.