“No one, I guess.”

“That’s my point. I haven’t ever given all or expected it from anyone. No one was ever that real.” Alice looked at Dana as though she had made her point, but Dana just looked back at her, just as confused as she was at the start.

“Dane, what happens if I can’t give it all? What if I’m just not capable? We’ve already established this is an all or nothing thing, and I can’t give all, that sort of only leaves nothing.”

Dana inched closer to Alice on the couch, “Don’t think like that. Don’t say you aren’t capable. That’s just nonsense.”

“It isn’t. Dane, I’ve never given my all to anything. I just don’t. I just give lots but I always hold enough back. And to be totally honest, that’s always been cool with me. There wasn’t anything I was missing out on. But now, it’s scares me Dane. I just want this to go right. I just want to really see what happens here.”

“So do I, Al. I have no idea what tomorrow is going to bring for us. But, we can’t be too scared to see. This scares me too. I don’t exactly have the best track record in this department. But I know when I close my eyes and picture my life tomorrow, there isn’t a version of it that doesn’t have you there.”

“I so want to believe you. I so want to believe me. It’s just that annoying voice in my head that reminds me that life can suck so don’t count on anything”

“Well, then just turn the voice off. Stop it. Al, life does suck a lot. But we’ve managed to smile through its suckiness for the last six years, right? What makes you think this would be any different?”

Alice leaned in and softly kissed Dana’s lips, “Since when do you have this much faith in love and life?”

“I don’t have all that much confidence in love or life. Al, I have confidence in you. I believe in you and that makes me believe in you and me.”

Dana sat listening to Alice to trying to figure out where her own sudden confidence came from. It wasn’t exactly like she had this vast experience in good, happy healthy relationships, but for some reason, she didn’t have doubts. And the fact that she didn’t have doubts, almost gave her doubts, like she was missing something. But it didn’t seem to matter. There was just something inside of her telling her this was right. It told her to make sure she didn’t let her fears stop her. She was compelled into suddenly becoming an expressive person. She knew she needed to be able to express things enough to make sure that Alice never doubted what she felt.

“Thank you, Dana.”

“You don’t have anything to thank me for. I’m just being honest.”

“So are you going to tell me what else is in that bag?”

“In a sec, can you tell me what set you off before. I don’t get it. We were joking around about celebrity lists.”

“I’m not sure how to explain this. When we were joking around about John Cusack, I was serious. I totally would just have a drink with the guy. It has nothing to do with what’s allowed, it has to do with want. I don’t want anything else. John or anyone. You are more than enough. And that thought scared me. I think it kind of made me realize how much this means to me. And that made me realize how much I had to lose and that made me shut down a bit.”

“That makes sense.”

“Dane? Can I ask a favor of you?”

“Yeah, of course, what?”

“Listen, this is sort of new to me, this whole idea of really giving my all, of not holding back. And I’m going to have more moments like this. Those moments of doubt.” Alice paused, taking a few seconds to collect her thoughts.

“Right.” Dana said, encouraging Alice to continue.

Alice drew in a deep breath, “Can you not take it personally? And sort of remind me it’s ok? I’m pretty sure I’m going to retreat a few times. I would love to tell you it won’t happen, but will. I’m so used to expecting nothing to last that I’m not sure how well I’m going to do at this faith thing.”

Dana smiled at Alice, “That’s an easy favor. Alice, you can retreat all you want. It won’t change a thing. I’m not exactly a picture of confidence, you know? But with you? I’m a different person. I’ll have the faith for both of us when you can’t. I will always be around to remind you that this is good.” She took Alice’s hand, “This, you and me, this is gonna be something good.”