I open my eyes and the first thing I see is the van on the ceiling, spinning slowly. Lauras long hair tickles my face so I roll over. I throw the sheets down to my waist and try to fall asleep again but its way too hot in the room. I get out of bed and get cleaned up and dressed. When I come downstairs most of the family is already up. Elena and my mother are sitting at the kitchen table while my uncle Mateo is preparing breakfast. I take little Rosie from Elena and walk with her outside where my nephews are playing football. I bounce her on my arm while the baby makes happy noises. Look, Rosie, once youll get older you can play along with your brothers, I say and I point at the red ball which is now almost flying over the fence. A blonde haired figure pokes her head out the window. Carmen, breakfasts ready! Emma yells. I head back inside and help setting the table.

After family breakfast Emma and I take Mateos SUV to go shop for some groceries. I dont care how long the ride will be, Im already glad that I can escape from the crowded house for a while. As much as I love my family, they can sometimes be quite exhausting especially when theyre all in the same room. Emma is quiet most of the time and I like that about her. I know she wont bother me with questions about boyfriends or other subjects in which I have to act straight. Emma tells me about the new apartment she and Carlos bought recently. You should come visit once, and check it out, she says.

I will, I promise and I look out the window, watching the desert like landscape. I miss L.A. And I miss a certain someone living there.

Carmen, I want to tell you something but you have to promise to keep it to yourself. I know you will, youre one well to keep a secret, Emma says, tucking a piece of blond hair behind her ear.

I feel something inside me clench. I know she probably doesnt mean anything with it but my hands get sweaty and I feel nervous spasms going through my stomach. Does she know Im gay? No, she cant, thats just impossible. She looks at me quickly, a small smile shaping her lips before focusing on the road again. I take a deep breath, trying to keep calm. Suddenly I wish she does know. It would be great to be able to tell someone about it, about Shane and about how amazing she is. About the way she walks and the way she talks. I quickly regain my senses. She doesnt know. And I cant tell her, it would mess everything up, my whole life. She wouldnt look at me the same as she does now. She would tell Carlos, and he would tell everyone else. I clear my throat.