Wh.. why would you think that? I ask her as I stop in my tracks. Emma turns around and adjusts her sunglasses on her nose.

You seemed a little.. quiet. Not really yourself. I remember you left earlier during family dinner last week. I dont need you to tell me why, I just want you to know that I was a little worried about you, Emma says calmly as ever and she grabs a can. She tries to read the etiquette but its all in Spanish.

Theyre pickles, I say as I nervously rake a hand through my hair. Emma is honest, she fits in the family well. I know Im not being really myself lately, thats the problem. Because I buried that part of myself in Shane, and it seems it can only come out whenever Im with her. Because I have no secrets for Shane and it makes me feel home, I can leave all my worries behind whenever Im at Jennys and Shanes place.

Im not that pregnant, she says dryly and I cant help but laugh. She puts the pickles back on the shelf and we start walking again.

You dont need to worry about me, I say softly after a while.

I know, Carlos told me you can take care of yourself.

He said that? I ask surprised.

Yeah.. he knows you well. You might think he doesnt because he never really says anything to you about it, but he talks about you all the time.. Hes really proud to have you as his younger sister. You really helped him Carmen. Back in the days when he used drugs.. I know he wasnt easy to be around. Im really thankful that you gave him a smack on the head and sent him of to rehab, Emma speaks as she squeezes my hand gently. I dont know what to say. Its nice to hear that Carlos is proud of me but a part of me doesnt quite know how to handle that. It will only cause him more disappointment if he ever finds out Im gay. And it only makes me feel more guilty about hiding that.

Well.. I was the only one who knew he was on coke so I just had to.. yknow.. nobody else could have helped him.