‘Carmen, there’s something I need to tell you.’
Carmen was suddenly awakened from her pleasant slumber by Shane’s voice. She quickly opened her eyes and lifted her head up from where it rested on Shane’s chest, an unpleasant, cold shiver cursed through her body, seeing her fears reflected in Shane’s eyes. ‘She cheated,’ Carmen thought, ‘she wants to break up with me.’ Carmen cleared her throat and sat up straight in bed, covering her breasts with the blanket, already putting herself at a distance from Shane. ‘Stay calm..,’ she willed herself, ‘focus..’
‘Is it good or bad?’ Carmen asked with a shaky voice.
‘Both,’ Shane replied. ‘It’s Julian.’
‘What? What do you mean it’s Julian? Did something bad happen? Oh god, have you talk..’
‘He knows,’ Shane cut her off and she took Carmen’s hand in hers. Carmen was silent for awhile, her mouth hanging open in disbelief.
‘He knows you’re gay,’ Shane said softly and as calm as possible. Carmen was lost for words. She got out of bed and started pacing around the room. There was an expression on Carmen’s face, Shane hadn’t seen before. Determination, distance, fear.
‘Did you tell him?’
‘No,’ Shane said quickly, ‘God no! This morning after we.. I was on my way out and I said hi to him and suddenly we had this weird conversation.’
‘I need you to tell me exactly what it is he said to you.’
‘He said he has known for awhile now..’
‘How did he find out?’ Carmen interrupted.
‘I don’t know that C,’ Shane said slowly, ‘he could tell by the way you acted I guess. He said something about you always wearing your heart on your sleeve.’
‘Hmpf,’ Carmen scoffed. All this time she had kept it a secret. And as far as she knew, it was a well hidden secret. She thought that if she’d never talk about it, no-one would ever ask about it. Lately she had realized it didn’t work that way and it was starting to wear out on her. But she hadn’t expected Julian to find out, of all people. How did he know? Was it really that obvious? No.. it couldn’t be. She remembered the comments he made about Lucia a few days ago. She was alarmed, but she had forcefully put it in the back of her mind, not wanting to think about it. Carmen buried her face in her hands. ‘Oh god.. this is awful,’ she groaned.
‘Carmen, this is not necessarily a bad thing. He’s cool with it, he still loves you.’
‘You don’t get it,’ Carmen said, resting her hands on the window-still, shaking her head ‘If he knows, and especially if he knows I know he knows, sooner or later my whole family is gonna know,’ Carmen rambled.
‘Now would that really be such a bad thing?’ Shane asked.
Carmen turned to face Shane.
‘Yes.’
She slid in her silken robe and grabbed Shane’s pack of cigarettes from the nightstand. ‘I need a smoke,’ she murmured and she walked out of the bedroom, to the back porch.