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Oasis Part 11
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“Hells,” I whisper in wonder, “Why?”
She chuckles at me, pulling away so she could look at me, and I her. It’s really her, she’s really here. He presence can calm me in a way that I can’t describe; there have been few things in this life Helena and I haven’t been able to fight together.
“Yes, Bells. C’mon, we need to listen to the doctor.” She informed me warming, without a single trace of pity. Brushing my brow she musses with my hair, “there, that’s better.” She decides, knowing how much I hate it when she messes with my hair, but today it brings tears to my eyes.
I wonder how long…
“Don’t think that way love, we know nothing yet.” She could always tell where my mind was going. Usually it annoyed me, because I fancied myself a bit of a mystery. Today, I was thankful for it, once in awhile we all needed a positive voice in our ear.
“That’s correct Bette, these are precautionary tests.” Doctor Jefferson interjects, bringing both of our attention back to the third person in the room.
I nod in response, not especially capable of stringing vowel and consternates together.
“I am sending you for some scans, the x-rays showed what appeared to be inflamed lymph nodes. That could explain the pain you still feel, and your continued shortness of breath.”
Jeebas, why did have to bring that up right now, with Helena in the room. I twist around quickly to see her reaction, and the stunned look quickly turns to hurt and anger as she too turns her attention to me.
“Later,” she whispers, barely making a sound. Fuck. I just can’t seem to do the right thing.
“You’ll also be having a needle biopsy of your swollen lymph nodes both in your neck and under your arms.”
I bowed my head, I didn’t even notice the ones under my arms. Jesus. Helena rested her arm on my back, gently rubbing it, trying to bring comfort when it feels like I have lost something. Something profound, I just don’t rightly know what it is.
“Both tests can be performed today, and I’ll have the results on Friday.”
It sounded like I was caught in a wind tunnel; an echoes tinniness in my ears a testament to how off centre this puts me. How afraid I am. I don’t hear anything else he says, but Helena talks to him, probably getting more information. She stands, motioning me to do the same and we walk out together.
Except I am sure I left something in that room.
Can hope be replaced?
**********
The tests, surprisingly don’t take that long and within a couple of hours we are on the way back to my place. Helena, initially was trying to convince me to stay with her for awhile, or to go out and get something for lunch.
I was neither hungry, or had the desire to be anywhere but at home.
I lean against the passenger window, enjoying what feels like an over-bright pale blue sky. There isn’t a cloud in the sky, and I feel cheated. I know it’s ridiculous, but I don’t want a clear day. I want rain.
I want an excuse to get into my most comfortable pyjamas and sit in front of the TV and eat nothing but junk-food.
“Bells, we’re home.” Helena whispers gently, not sure how far away my thoughts had strayed.
Together we get out of the car and move into the house. Instead of going to check my answering machine, which is my usual practice, I go straight to the bedroom and flop on my bed, closely regarding my pj’s as they lay there, unworn since this morning. They are calling to me.
“Get changed.” Helena orders, leaning against the door frame. “I’ve ordered pizza and garlic bread.” She tells me, “and I’m about to pop over to Shane’s to get some beer.”
I open my mouth, ready to ask her to invite Shane over. That way I can tell them all one at a time about the tests. The problem with that meant I would have to explain it over and over again. More times then I had initially intended.
I didn’t want anyone to know, but Helena convinced me that they deserved to know. She’s good at that.
“Why don’t you invite her over for a barbecue tomorrow night,” I suggest, seeing Helena’s eyebrows raise at what I am sure she thought that I wouldn’t do. “We can invite everyone.” I go on to state, biting my tongue on the rest of what I wanted to say.
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We have no mention of a romantic interest for Bette. Has she had someone or is that in the future for her? This is very painful to read as this would also be painful for Bette to live thru, given that she should have been back to see the doctor several months prior. Great chapter. PPS
We have no mention of a romantic interest for Bette. Has she had someone or is that in the future for her? This is very painful to read as this would also be painful for Bette to live thru, given that she should have been back to see the doctor several months prior. Great chapter. PPS
Hello My Beautiful Dee… the Repetition is one of the hardest things to live with… its so draining having to go through the same procedures and processes over and over again year after year as the fear consumes you and you believe “Is this the year they find something” is this the time… will I ever be free from this fear… you have painted so much the power that we allow those things we cannot control to take from us… and it is so hard to gain that power back… but it can happen… I know it can… you are completely amazing your strength to detail the emotions and fears in such vivid details evokes so much power… love and hugs, Always and Forever, thank you for being her for me, and sharing with me, JC (Latin Nephew to those Salsa Angels and ever loving Cuzzie to the Ever talented Eunichick)
Helena is such a good friend to bet and you can just feel their closeness. It sounds like Bette might be in for another battle where her health is concerned. Love the story and as always, post when you can.
Thanks goodness for friends like Helene. Everyone needs someone like her. Bette is so wrong,she missed her test for about 6months. is she so stubborn and yes selfish that she doesnt care of the hurt that she inficts on her family and friends. thanks
Really well written. That’s why its impact is so painful.
Wow, what an excellent chapter, I can feel Bette’s anguish. I have one question though, where the hell is Tina? Bette needs her now, right ;) I hope Bette is OK, but Deean we all know how much you like the dark side, so we’ll just go on this journey with you regardless. Can’t wait for more.
Hi, sweet Deean! Friends are a wonderful gift. They always bless us with their support, when things in life are hard or we are depressed. Helena’s presence at the doc’s appointment was very helpful. Yes, indeed Bette feels a bit frustrated because she cannot control what is happening to her body. But sometimes, it is a relief to let our friends do small deeds for us, when we do not know where to turn and we feel lost. Bette needs to allow that unconditional support that her friends are so willing to provide. Thanks for this update. We are understanding more and more Bette’s evasive attitude towards coping with the day-to-day activities. Hope the results of the tests are not as dreadful as Bette fears. The way you are unveiling this story is amazing. PPS Hugs and kisses on both your cheeks.- Lucero & Marsha (Proud Salsa Aunties to the ever loving JC and Eunichick)
Cant wait for more.Helena is a true friend i love how she goes ‘Later’ to Bette thats an acknowledgement of how friends do actually work things out.I like this caring side to Hells she needs to reassure Bette at times.But at least she has someone there and Hells was there when she needed her during in that consultaion withthe doctor….
Cant wait for more.Helena is a true friend i love how she goes ‘Later’ to Bette thats an acknowledgement of how friends do actually work things out.I like this caring side to Hells she needs to reassure Bette at times.But at least she has someone there and Hells was there when she needed her during in that consultaion with the doctor….
I think that Bette should wait until they know something, to mention it. I love her and Helena’s relationship and it seems very fulfilling for both of them. Deann, I will be your little germ if you really want me to. I shall infect you with non tibette ness and Bette and Helena get married and live happily ever after! LOL!
Ok if Caeleigh… is your Germ can I be your Gem Please :P… hehe…
another wonderful chapter… this tangible sadness and anticipation of the unknown is hard to capture and you do it so amazingly as I’ve already told you. the Bette and Helena friendship really comes to life and its nice to see since we don’t see them interact much on the show! cant wait for the next one!