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Oasis Part 14
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Shane grinned, “well, I was showing off for Alice’s kids.”
“Showing off?” I questioned. She was being coy; Shane was being coy about something that had nothing to do with Molly, who was what Alice called her straight girl conquest. Alice is the only one of us who hasn’t had a straight girl conquest – memorably she did have a straight guy conquest.
“Yeah, we were trail biking down at Lauren’s farm.”
“Lauren Reyes?” I ask. Lauren and I dated about 10 years ago, we broke up a couple of weeks after I was told I was out of remission. The radiotherapy was starting to make me sick, tired and irritable. She couldn’t handle it and walked out one morning.
2 months later she visited me in hospital when had got an infection; a comprised immune system and the simplest bug can make the body collapse. She wanted to apologise, “just incase you don’t make it,” she said.
Let’s just say that didn’t make anyone in the room happy that day, least of all her when Shane and Kit forcibly removed her from the room. It took years before we could all be civil to her, and now her, Alice and Shane are great friends. Kit tolerates her and I; we are as close to being friends as we ever will. I have no ill will towards her, but equally I don’t trust her.
She ran at the exact wrong moment.
“Yeah, she invited us and the kids down to ride the bikes or horses. Alice thought it’d be fun and she invited me along.” Shane explains, shifting in her seat to try and make herself more comfortable.
“Fuck,” she whispers, wincing as she moves to support her arm.
“Shaney.” I call, rubbing her back soothingly, “why don’t I take you home.” I hated to see her in pain, so tense and uncomfortable.
Waving me off, she continued her story “I tried to do a wheelie over a mound.” Cringing sheepishly, she sunk into the chair. “I hit a snake pit, or something, and learnt how to fly.”
I didn’t know what to say, I was hurt for being left out. Maybe I had spent too much time away. There wasn’t anything I could do to make up for lost time, I could only hope that they would soon remember I was then, and am now, there for them all.
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Hello My Most Entrancing Friend…
Bette is starting to realize that her actions do affect the people and environments around her… she is starting to realize that her absence has affected more then just her own selfish needs… she has pushed her family in a way that they have needed to start replacing and start moving away from her… she needs to find a way to ensure them that she is their confidant.. she is their family…
Ohhhh… I feel there is going to be a certain level of separation due to this situation that has been created… Bette’s stubbornness is something that can hurt more then anything and when Helena comes to find Bette not their she will feel the sting of abandonment… and at this time Bette risks losing her closest…
you my friend continue to blow me away with the layering and the in playing that goes through Bette’s mind… Song playing while reading; P.M. Dawn – Id Die Without You…
never doubt that you move me beyond words with your words and your friendship my amazing friend…love and hugs, always and forever, JC (Latin Nephew to those Salsa Angels and the ever loving Cuzzie to the ever talented Eunichick and Personal Fanner to the Incredibly Talent Deean)
Helena’s gonna b mad to find that Bells has gone i just hope Bette turns up for her appointment.
When you’re worried about some aspect of your health, attention from even those closest to you can make you feel claustrophobic, or like a specimen in a petrie dish… I can understand Bette’s need to just… not be there. This is a really very interesting story you’re writing, Deean. Thanks for the post.
My goodness, JC, you are being awfully hard on Bette here! I think if one is dealing with severe and possibly terminal illness, it infiltrates every facet of their lives, from the violations of body, mind and spirit, the interruption of enjoyment of life as well as fear of death, the need to feel that there is somthing more to life than just the constant battle with illness, hence her need to photograph the pain of others. In regard to the friends, she loves them but it cannot not be up to her to make them feel better about her. Helena is as there as she possibly can be, and she will be hurt to arrive and see Bette gone, but they cannot know what it is like for her, they can’t feel her pain and they do expect her to take theirs away. It’s too much. I think they are the ones who are being selfish to expect her to. I think they should want her to give them what she can and then give her space.
Hello Caeleigh…
I would agree with you if Bette actually cared to see what her actual health is… if it wasn’t for Helena she wouldn’t be anywhere near ready for this appointment… she continues to hide behind her pain and that is all fine… hide behind that pain of others and blah blah blah… but the end result is… if she wants to lose everyone in her life then all she has to do is continue down this pathway…
She already feels it when she was reflecting on how Shane has chosen not to call upon her in her time of need… Shane is starting to feel that Bette’s pulling away and running away does not measure up to someone I can call and depend on… considering they are all just used to Bette up and leaving without word one…
So yes Bette needs her space… but she also needs to take some responsibilities for her actions… if her friends could actually “trust” her at taking care of herself and she has proven with her inability to meet “Important” life or death appointments then they might not be so clingy…
Sorry but I think Bette will better appreciate what she ‘might’ have had when they all decide to let her live her life on her own… cause I believe within the characters that Helena is the one that has given her the most space….
So when Helena goes to Bette’s sees this potential note and then throws her hands up in the air and says ‘fuck it’ I’ve tried to help her… be there fore her… but she doesn’t want it… well guess what I’m tired of being abused by my ‘supposed’ best friend… see you later…
Bette is an adult she will rebound… she might miss this important appointment and find out she is dying and then well what then… yes she can be scared… yes she can run… but at least she should take responsibility for her abandonment of her friends in their time of fear and concern… but that is not for Bette cause she should be left to her own devices…
Sorry but Bette isn’t acting like an adult only a petulant child…
Sincerely,
JC
Hello Caeleigh… I am sorry… that is pretty harsh after I read it… I will have it removed if it offends or upsets you in any way… sometimes the words pore out with due course… JC
It’s ok JC, it’s how you feel. I just don’t agree is all. Yes people might think that Bette is being irresponsible with he rhealth but they don’t know what it feels like to be afraid of hearing those words again. it is human nature to run from what terrifies us. Yes Helena has done all she can but in the end they do not know what Bette is going through and to walk away from her because she is not acting as they want her to is the worst kind of abandonment. yes she is being an angry scared child..at the unfairness of life, at her disease…at her forced aloneness because they can’t understand what it is like to be her…
I don’t know what it is like to have a fatal illness but I think I would find comfort in the nurturing arms of a caring friend or relative.
Mercy, this is a really deep and emotional story. Maybe when Bette doesn’t show up for Helena and Helena doesn’t show up for Bette’s appt on Friday, maybe Tina will just happen to be available and catch Bette at a moment that would allow her to go with Bette to the appt because she really should not be alone to hear the news. there is soemthing happening with the two of them and maybe they don’t know it just yet. Hopefully Bette will be okay with treatment and I understand how terrified she is of hearing the news of the tests. PPS
Hello Caeleigh…
Unfortunately when you are unwilling to talk to anyone about your ‘aloneness’ and if you are unwilling to accept certain times that ‘life’ just isn’t fair then you find yourself in a repeated cycle… every time she gets some kind of ‘news’ she runs away… so I would feel that ‘her’ friends and family should feel more abandoned by ‘her’ then ‘she’ by them since they haven’t ever left her alone… she forced her own ‘aloneness’… yes be scared… hate the world and be angry but also realize that you ‘do’ have choices and you can either face it… or run… but when you make a choice… live with it… her friends have not abandoned her like she has them…
Sincerely,
JC
Hi, dear sweet Deean! Evasive, absent, unwilling to face the aftermath. Hmmm Dealing with hunger, poverty and misery. One would say that Bette is only focusing on being compassionate about others than she is for her health or her well being. A terminal illness is just a matter of knowing how much time you have left to live. The result will not vanish, even if you hide, go away or pretend it is not happening to you. The death sentence is there. Always present. Fear to know the truth is always frightening. Such is the case in which Bette finds herself now. We believe she has lost her meaning of existence. She prefers to shut the world off and focus on someone else. This kind of behaviour has to affect those who are around her. She needs something or someone who may bring her to appreciate what she has and to make the best of the time that she has left. Although we don’t even know what are the results of the tests she went through. PPS Lucero & Marsha (Proud Salsa Aunties to the ever loving JC and Eunichick)