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Oasis Part 15
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I tear away up to the hills and find one of my favourite quiet little roads. People don’t come down here often, allowing my to really open my baby up and speed until the wind steals my breath and the cold lashes my skin.
Speed like I am being chased down by a serial killer and I don’t want to get caught.
Running, so I can taste my freedom and dignity before it is completely ripped from me.
I don’t know how long I race around these back streets at 100, 120 and 220 m/mph. Stupid I know, but right now I couldn’t care less.
Slowing down to a more controllable speed, I suddenly have a desire to hit the beach. It take me about an hour to get to to the beach, and to find a secluded spot, far away from prying eyes. Away from the world; today I want to hide.
I love my friends, my family with everything that I am. I would, and have done almost everything for them, but how can I put them through this again. How can I put myself through it.
They just don’t understand, there is no comprehension about how difficult this is. How much I hate getting the news and knowing each time I am diagnosed it brings me closer too. The disease affects everyone, not just me, but it’s my fault that they have to suffer through it.
I pull my legs up under me and lean forward as I suddenly feel light headed.
What the hell am I doing? Helena doesn’t deserve the shit I am giving her. We have been family for so damned long, that if you cut one the other bleeds. I think she more then anyone knows how I feel.
So I yelled.
I ran.
And I left a fucking note that hopefully explains that it wasn’t about her.
I didn’t want to yell at her again. Didn’t want to be stuck inside in the stale air and closing walls, where all I could hear was the constant echo of my greatest fears.
Stretching, I take off my jackets. It’s getting hot and the last thing I want to do is sweat out anymore weight. To dehydrate any more.
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Once again I am in awe…Bette’s so beautifully real. The fear and the sadness and the guilt are so tangible. And her family’s reaction is also so real. I just love how you’ve transformed these characters to have true depth. I think thats the most difficult part in creating a character this idea of making them have dimensions as a real person would. The fact that people aren’t perfect is what draws me to your stories. They are flawed but still manage to be able to care and love one another as a family wouldAnyways wonderful amazing job as always. Thanks for the inspiration!
I agree with TKGirl. I know everyone is scared..but Kit is wrong. So Bette is supposed to sit and stare at the wall, and let everyone come over and fuss over her and look sad, so that THEY feel better, until she dies? Regardless of what BETTE wants and needs? Her wishes don’t matter? Whose life is it? I think Bette has the right to live out however many days she has left doing what SHE wants to do. That does not mean she doesn’t love her family but it is her life!! I couldn’t believe that Kit was telling Bette how to feel and act if she should get the news that she hasn’t much longer to live. Telling her she is being immature! I think Helena and Peggy are really being the most supportive, letting her feel what she wants to and giving her space. Kit and the rest..not so much.
Ah, Bette. I know everyone else is scared for her, but no one could be more scared than she is herself. Everyone else just has to realise that. I can see why being away, living her life is an attractive option, but sometimes you have to just face what life brings. Hopefully her friends and Kit will help her do just that without suffocating her. Good update, thanks.
Beening afraid to die,is the wrost thing that can happen to a person. Bette is still young,if she was in her 90. dying you dont let it bother you a lot,You have lived a rich full life.and did a lot of thing,and loved andyou have been loved. What Bette needs is a very loving,and understanding woman,and one that wouldnt take her crapand love her just to love her,to be in love with her. thanks
Powerfully and intimately written as if you’ve had first hand experience w/this situation. Just incredibly sad.
wow i wouldnt know how i would act in a situation like this i think though i would be helena.simply trying to understand bette’s state of mind.But i think it’s hard to watch someone who its pratically your sister not want to share everything with you.
Fergz1 echoes exactly what I was thinking that the bright star in this otherwise sad and dismal tale just might be Ms. Tina Kennard. If anyone or anything will be able to help Bette live and find love it will be Tina an djust maybe the diagnosis will not be as bad as Bette thinks. BTW, what disease does she have that is so life threatening and that she has lived with since a teenager? Hopefully Tina calls soon and makes another appointment to work with Bette. Then that loving side of Tina will come out and place a new spark in Bette’s life and make her forget what is weighing her down at the moment. Great chapter. PPS
I sure hope Bette doesn’t get bad news..maybe it hsa scared her enough that she will calm down and find the great love of her life. pps
Hi, sweet Deean! Bette is finally admitting she’s scared, which is a big step forward. Peggy and Helena are the best friends one can have and rely on. We believe Kit is just voicing what her other friends think of her frequent absences. Even though she may appear cruel to Bette, it is what Bette has been doing with her evasive attitude: pushing her friends away. Kit is only trying to ground her. It is obvious that she loves her sister. But on the other hand, she also knows that Bette can be a very stubborn individual. We think it is time for her to stop running, take better care of herself and let her friends provide their unconditional support. She is not alone and that is what she should realize. She’s very fortunate to have loyal and trusty friends around her. Thanks for continuing with this difficult but brilliant story. PPS Hugs & kisses on both your cheeks.- Lucero & Marsha (Proud Salsa Aunties to the ever loving JC and Eunichick)
Darn,this is powerful stuff!,well guess what?,she is scared too,and wants the same thing that you want for her and that is to LIVE a healthy and fulfill life(guess that’s news to them)I admire and respect the love that this family have for each other,but the “selfishness” is not one sided.You know what is interesting?….Kit is right,Peggy is right,Helena is right,so is Shane,Alice and Dana ,but in the end Only Bette knows what is Best for Bette,and she is not a child.But of cause,she needs to stop acting like one so that she’ll not be treated like one.