Well talk to you tomorrow? She asked Alex.

Sure thing. Alex walked over and hugged both Bette and Tina thanking them for being there for her.
Ill try, you guys. She promised.

As Bette and Tina were walking out the door with the picnic basket, Alex walked over to the desk and picked up a manila envelope. She handed it to Bette and asked her to wait until they got home to read it.

Bette and Tina were both quiet as they began their journey home, a bit overwhelmed by what they had heard from Alex. Bette, having known Catherine, was so hurt as she knew that Catherine would never have wanted Alex to spend her entire life running from her guilt.

Finally, Bette broke the silence. There is more than she is telling.

What do you mean?

What does her guilt about the accident have to do with my statement that it was a good thing she never had children?

I suspect Alex meant that in the context of her fears about letting someone get too close.

Damnit, Tina. I know Alex. Ive forgotten to how to show it, but I know her. I know that there is something deeper here. Damn. Why have I been so self absorbed for so long?

Bette you couldnt know what she wouldnt tell you.

I could have tried before now.

Baby, you cant change the past. You can only change the future.

While Bette and Tina were driving home, Alex sat staring out the window feeling guilty for having revealed so much to Bette and Tina. Simultaneously, she had to admit a small relief at having unburdened somewhat. Alex had no plans, though, to take any of Bettes counsel. She was not going to forgive herself for the role she had played in the death of her wife. Alex hoped that Bette could understand without Alex having to tell her the remainder of the story.

Alex had to admit that she had missed Bette. It was with purpose that she had distanced their relationship. Alex felt that she did not deserve to have with Bette the closeness they once had and further, she did not want to be a burden. To Alex, Bette really didnt need her anymore and her pride would not allow her to become some clinging burden of Bettes past. The idea that Bette and Tina as well as their friends would want Alex around simply because they loved her seemed foreign to Alex. She didnt think of herself as very lovable and certainly could not understand why anyone else would find her worthy of love.