Bette had tears in her eyes. Alex, no, you cant think like that. Sweetie, it was an accident. It happens. Catherine was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It just sometimes happens.

It wouldnt have happened if I hadnt been so damned selfish and had run the errand like she asked me to do.

It could have happened another day at another time.

But it didnt, now did it?

There was no negotiation with Alex over this fact. She had been blaming herself for eight years and she wasnt about to start absolving herself of guilt now.

What was it that you said to me only a few days ago about being the better Catholic because of my martyrdom and guilt? I believe you called me Our Lady of Perpetual Guilty Sorrows. Dont you think you should take your own advice?

That was different, Bette. You cheated on T-bird; you didnt kill her.

You didnt kill Catherine, either. You werent responsible for her death. Oh, Alex do you really think that Catherine would have wanted you to live your life this way?

I didnt give Catherine what she wanted when she was alive, why should I start now?

What do you mean you didnt give Catherine what she wanted when she was alive?

She wanted to live and I took that from her with my selfishness.

Bette got up and walked over to Alex putting her arm around her. Alex would not give in to the embrace; she would not left herself be comforted.

Alex, Catherine would have forgiven you.

Yeah, well I choose not to forgive me. You know, Im incredibly lucky. I love what I do. How many people can truly say that they love what they do for a living and make a decent living doing it? Ive gotten to travel the world. I love my job, I make decent money, and I get to travel the world. Ive got a great life except that I lost the chance to share it with Catherine.

She would have wanted you to enjoy it.

Without her, it just doesnt mean much. Dont get me wrong, I do enjoy what I do. I enjoy it more than I deserve. I just refuse to allow myself to be happy. I refuse to allow myself to enjoy things as much as I could because I owe that to Catherine.