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Once it is Spilt
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I.
Bette spurns depression. No, she swallows it up until she can’t breathe and then she spits it out, because depression is rejection is abandonment and these are three things she does not love entirely.
The good thing about Tina, she realized very early on, was that Tina swallowed depression with her, and so it ended itself. It was like a candle that wouldn’t light, or the matches that Tina threw out en masse when Bette was supposed to quit smoking. You couldn’t light a cigarette if you didn’t have fire, and you couldn’t be depressed if there was nowhere to put the depression.
That’s the good thing about Tina.
II.
In a perfect race, there would be rules and regulations. Bette hates the idea of putting herself on the line without an assurance that she’s going to get something out of it. After all, art equals money. Money equals time. What she was slowly realizing was that she had never factored in happiness.
Tina had said, “If you think we need the money…” in that way she had, where she wasn’t going to start an argument, but it was clear she didn’t think it was the best thing. Bette had been grateful for all sorts of things, mostly the idea of Tina, this beautiful thing who didn’t argue with her and didn’t question her and was always there when she needed to calm down.
Tina was a person, too.
Okay. She’d forgotten that.
III.
Tina’s good at forgetting the little things when she fights with Bette. She’s easily one of the more thoughtful people in the world, but getting her angry seems to make her forget things. She’s liable to forget to make dinner sometimes, and other times she just forgets to come to bed.
Tina can go days without speaking; it’s a skill she has. She carries on with the rest of her life like nothing’s wrong, but she won’t say a word to Bette for days. Bette finds silences deafening and sometimes she even finds them offensive, but she doesn’t ignore challenges and every long silence is met with another long silence.
Seven years is a long relationship, of course, but it doesn’t seem nearly so long when so much of it is silent.
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Dare I say this piece, these pieces is/are revolutionary, the stream of consciousness that is Tina and Bette and their relationship. Gorgeous, cerebral and intuitive as is your great talent. I truly look forward to your next offering. By the way I can’t help but opine that not all of B&T has been told…
Beautiful and moving. That’s all I can say.
4, 7, 8, 9, 13, 14, 18, 19, and 22. Enough said.
Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.
Ohsofuckingamazingwow!!! To state that you blow me is so not a command but a sheer lack of appropriate words of praise. To say that you move me doesn’t even do it justice when I just saw the whole Bette-and-Tina thing at the speed of light.
And WOW! is all that I can manage for now.
are you jenny? your writing style reminds me of her – that’s a compliment. You are so complex but, true to emotion in your writing. Absolutelyfuckinamazing! Great stuff!
That was absolutely, positively gorgeous. Thank you for sharing. You’re very talented :)
I wish I could write like this. Your words are so simple yet spellbinding. Loved the pieces where neither one felt complete while sleeping. The bond that you weave through the pieces were strong and so…Bette and Tina. :)
very nicely done! thanks!
that was awesome! thanks!
Your work is stunning. I am completely blown away by your talent. Thank you for sharing.
beautiful.
I’m a little late in the game with your writing, but this was…this was…WOW! I love it. Truly amazing.