Tina

We were arriving to the cruise now…. I was sitting on the right side of the backseat of the car holding the 24 roses that Bette gave me…. I was feeling so awful…. how could I screw things up so easily? I could feel Bette’s disapointment…. I saw the hurt in her eyes when she asked me if I wanted to keep the roses and then went to get them for me….. and that has been the extension of our dialogue so far….. and although I’ve been looking at her many times her eyes are fixed on the window of her side of the backseat… she is silent….. like deep in thoughts and I don’t dare to talk to her…. I’m so scared of what she might say to me…. and worst part is that Maria wasn’t in the house after all…. she arrived when we were leaving….. I feel so terrible…. I can’t stand hurting her…. and I can’t stand myself either for being such a coward….. I freaked out and allowed all my fear and panic to control me….. I know now that I love her but I also know that I’m so scared….. fuck…. and the worst part is that she’ll probably send me to hell…. I know I would if she had done something like this to me…. mmmm….. no I love her….. I wouldn’t send her to hell….. well maybe a little…. and so we arrived to the cruise and before I got the chance to even say a word she was already out of the car and opening my door….. but still I couldn’t make eye contact…… and before I knew it she was scorting me back to my room…..

Bette

I was in shock….. we were returning to the cruise now….. I was so hurted that I couldn’t even look at her in the eyes….. I mean I know that perhaps I’m overreacting but what if she can’t get over this….. what if she can’t deal with the whole being a lesbian thing…. I’m already in love with her and I can’t see where is this going to….. my heart is in her hands now….. well from the first time I saw her I knew my heart was in her hands….. I couldn’t help myself and now the consequences of that just scare the shit out of me…. I don’t want my heart broken again….. and I know she must be feeling like shit too….

I can’t make eye contact with her….. because I know she would read my mind through my eyes…… fuck!!!! I mean I’m not angry at her…… but the whole situation made me feel bad…. if she can’t be with me in a secluded beach then what……. and yet there’s no way out of this….. she is going to break my heart and there’s nothing I can do about it….

Marcos anouncing that we had arrived startled me out of my thoughts….. so without even thinking I got out of the car and opened the door for her….. I wanted to show her somehow that I wasn’t angry or furious….. I just needed to think and let her think as well so I scroted her to her room…..