ONE AND  ONLY

Chapter 85

Kate left Tina to freshen up before she faced Bette. She headed out of the apartment to find Emma and Bette. She was first going to have to stop Emma bursting in and yelling at Tina because that was what Emma was undoubtedly planning. Emma was sitting in the bar – she had a large glass of red wine in front of her and she had the remains of a sandwich on a plate beside the glass. Kate sat at the table beside her
“Would you like to buy a girl a drink ?”
“It would be my pleasure “
Emma raised her finger and a young waitress came across
“Same again for me and a glass of white “
“Very good madam”
Kate lent back and stretched her arms out  – maybe they were getting too old to be playing their daughter and Bette at tennis – that would stop any more scenes like this morning.
“Where’s Bette ?” Kate asked
“Gone for a walk “
“I would have thought that she had done enough walking for one day “
“She has a lot of energy and she was also a little shy with me”
“Why was that ?”
“I think because neither of us knew how to discuss Tina and what had happened. It was obviously on her mind and she didn’t want to be disloyal to Tina and say anything so we skirted around a number of topics before the elephant got too big and she went off to stretch her legs.. I think she will just have found herself a quiet corner and is deep in thought – like how did she know that Tina could be such a spoilt jackass – what the hell have you said to her – does she have any excuse for that disgraceful scene ?”
“She just wants to beat Bette at something – anything and I think she wanted it so badly she lied to Bette about how well you could play and she couldn’t deal with it when we discovered that Bette is good at that “
“You have lost me “
Kate sighed – this was not going to go down well
“This is not going to be easy for you to understand but I think I understand what she has been telling me “
“I am listening “
“Tina just cannot deal with Bette being better than her “
“Bette BETTER than Tina – is that what Bette has been telling her ?”
“No – and this will be easier if you listen to what I am saying and it will stop you over-reacting – just hear me out Emma “
“Okay “
“Bette has NO idea how Tina feels  – because Tina hasn’t told her because she is ashamed of how she feels and she doesn’t know how to bring it up or the other elephant in the room. There are so many elephants we could have a fucking parade. Tina is used to be the smartest kid in the room – she was the smartest at her old school – the reason her grades dive bombed was because she stopped trying – not because of anything else. We both know that – well now that she is at a better school – she is trying – she is trying very hard and she is 4th “
“4TH is awesome “
“You know that and I know that – but she thinks that she has to be first at everything and she isn’t – and what makes it harder for her is that the girl who is first – is the girl she is in love with.”
Emma was silent – when the wine arrived she drained the remnants in her glass before starting on the other glass.
“Tina has just lost her self confidence – that is something I never thought I would say about her – but she has lost her confidence. I have tried to make her see that if she spends the rest of her life comparing herself to other people she is always going to be miserable. We didn’t teach her that lesson Emma and this is what we get for not letting her know that as long as she gives her best that is good enough. She wants to win at all costs because that is what we have taught her. She threw a fit because Bette didn’t tell her she could play tennis – she just assumed. And yes she lied about which one of us was  the better player – she lied because she just wanted to win. Bette didn’t tell her – she let her assume she couldn’t play – so Tina got what she deserved in a way. But she is mixed up and I am worried about her”
“Because she lied ?”
“No – because when I was talking to her she told me that she doesn’t think she is smart enough to go to the same college as Bette. And that fear is what has stopped her talking to Bette about it. I think from what she said – you and I have had more conversations about her college plans. She is terrified that she cannot get the grades to get into Yale and that has probably made all of this thing worse. She is scared Emma – and Bette doesn’t know anything about it. That’s why you need to hold fire with regard to rollicking her for what happened. On this occasion it is more important that she sorts out things with Bette. Bette has no idea how much she wants to beat her and how its messing with her thinking and also they need a very long discussion about college and their whole future”
“Would it not be healthy for them to go their separate ways ?” Emma asked “I know how she feels but they are 17 – there is no way that they are only going to date one another. And I don’t want her to be limited by just dating one girl”
“You want her to sleep around ?”
“No – I want her to have all the life experiences she can have – and when you are a single and very pretty lesbian at college for the first time – you are going to experiment. I don’t want her to get hurt but I want her to find what makes her happy. There is no proof that Bette is her destiny or anything wishy-washy like that. Them going their separate ways is no bad thing”
“Can I just say that telling her that at this moment is really not a good idea. We are not going to interfere. If they make the decision to go their separate ways that is one thing – we are not gong to mess in their relationship. What would you have said and done if your parents had interfered in our relationship ?”
“We were 22 “
“And I don’t think we were any more mature than they are “
“Yes because a tantrum like that this morning was really mature “
Kate picked her wine up – probably not a great idea to get stuck into the wine but what the hell. She drank most of the wine and signalled for the waitress- as the girl made her way across Kate made the signal for “ same again “
“Emma – we were as responsible for this mornings outburst as she was. We have taught her that a good loser is a loser – and since the holiday was booked we have both been talking about the Kennard Sports Day – have you thought how all this looks to Bette ? She must think we are a couple of crazy lesbians who have taught their daughter a win at any costs mentality. Neither of us want that – but that was what this morning was. She couldn’t deal with losing to Bette and this is not just about tennis- this is about how many times Bette shows that she can do just about anything with seemingly no effort. She has lost confidence not because of anything that Bette as done – the opposite – you can see for yourself how Bette is with  her. She adores her and she treats her with respect and love – what is wrong with that ?  I don’t know if they are going to stay together or not – but I know that its their call. But this loss of self confidence is something we do have to help her with — she doesn’t think she is good enough for college”
“Of course she is “
“She wants to go to Yale “
“Is that because that is what Bette wants ?”
“Bette used to want to go to Yale  – because they haven’t talked about it – she doesn’t know what Bette wants. I told her that if she really wants any sort of future with Bette then its not going to be based on wonderful sex – they have to learn to talk to one another and listen and respect what the other one says and wants and find some sort of middle ground”
Emma shook her head “This sounds a mess “
“Tina has got herself in a mess – I know her – I know what she is like – its like how she felt about the old school – it festered for weeks and months. We both knew she was miserable and she hated the school and we didn’t know how to make things better. We tried ignoring the problem, we tried grounding her, we tried everything and in the end it was only sorted out when she came out and told me that she wanted to go to another school because she was so unhappy – that was a brave admission from her  – one that took her a long time to say. This is the same – she is getting more and more unhappy because she thinks that Bette is too good for her  – those were her words and not mine Emma before you say anything. “
“And you say that Bette has not said any of this ?”
“No  – Bette doesn’t have a clue and when Tina tells her its going to be tough for her. I know our concerns are for our daughter but Bette is honourable – she is so like her parents – she wants to do the right thing and finding out that Tina feels the way she does will just devastate her. We have to let them sort this out – we can give advice if they need it  – but if they are grown up enough to be lovers – then they also have to talk their own problems through “
“Oh God Kate – this is terrible – poor Tina”
“She suddenly grew up in front of our eyes when she met Bette – we both said how thrilled we were – she was suddenly a young woman – and we were delighted. I don’t think she is still a child – she is just confused and scared that she is going to lose the first girl she has ever loved. If it ends – if it fizzles out  – then it happens organically. It does not happen because we interfere – she has to make the call to walk away from Bette. I am sure their paths will cross after college – they might start seeing one another again. Anything might happen – the most important thing is WE ARE NOT GOING TO MEDDLE.”
Emma sighed – she knew that Kate was right – as she usually was – but it would be easier if Bette and Tina went their separate ways when it came to college. It would be so much more healthy. But she had hated it when her family had messed in her relationships – she had hated her parents for assuming that they knew best for her. And now here she was contemplating the same thing for her child.
“Lets just stay here in the bar and get very drunk “ Emma said
“Because that is the mature good example to set them ?” Kate said smiling – that sounded like a really good idea to her.
“If they need their space – we should let them have it”
Kate yawned and picked up the menu “If we are going to have a few drinks I need some food – and you need more than just a sandwich “
Emma picked up her glass of wine and hugged it to her body “ Being a parent isn’t easy is it ?”
“No – and it hasn’t been and we have done a great job with her. I know she’s having issues but her heart really is in the right place and we cannot have picked a nicer and more gentle girlfriend for her than Bette. Bette will want to do the right thing for both of them -she is honourable  -we both know that”
Emma nodded “I know she is sweet “
“Apparently they went to some baby dyke thing the other day and Tina got ignored and Bette was getting all the hits”
“That’s never fun “
“Its happened to us more than once – it sucks for both sides. Bette doesn’t know how to deal with attention. I was coming back to the apartment yesterday and they were talking to two girls  – obviously baby dykes and Tina was having fun and Bette just looked like she wasn’t too sure what to make of it all. “
“So Bette hasn’t inherited her mother’s flirting skills ?”
“No – maybe that will come if and when they go their separate ways “
“Do you think they would be better off apart ?” Emma asked Kate
Kate exhaled “I think their relationship needs to run its course – no one – not even them knows how long that is going to be. They might fall out in a couple of months, the pressure of exams might become too much for them, one of them might fall for someone else, they might go to the same college and both of them meet someone new, they could go to Yale together and stay together for four years and live happily ever after. We don’t know and they don’t either. All that matters is that they  live their lives their way. Their mistakes need to be their mistakes – not the ones their parents make them make”
“I want her to be happy “ Emma said “I have surprised myself in how I like seeing her with Bette. They were sitting on the balcony last night – Tina had her head on Bette’s shoulder and she had her arm around her. It looked really sweet. I know I wouldn’t have been this cool if it had been a boy she had been with  –  that would have been hard for me to accept. I just think that the odds are not in their favour – who meets their true love when they are 17 ?”
“It happens”
“Maybe it does – but not when they don’t talk to one another “
“True – lets see what happens when she tells Bette. You and I know that this is a true test of their relationship and of themselves. They don’t know what is and what isn’t great sex – they are experimenting and making it up as they go along. But as I told her – they need to be able to communicate or they are not going to last much longer “