These remembrances were still painful, the rest surrendered forever.

With her mouth slightly agape, Bette filled her lungs to capacity and winced as she gasped for more.  

A dull ache settled in her heart, reminded of the suffocating loneliness that drowned her soul.  She remembered how much she wanted to have her life back.  How much she wanted to just be…wanted.  How lonely she felt.  How bereft of any happiness she had been.  Although Tina was in their house and in their bed, she felt so alone.  If not for Angelica, if not for her child she would have been utterly desolate.  She knew Tina felt that way too.  That they were together yet so alone.

Tina’s concerned eyes glistened with moisture, feeling the piercing emotion from the mother of her daughter.  She called out tenderly to the woman who was less than a foot away yet seemingly oceans from her reach,  “Baby.” 

The memories of that entreaty were almost too much to bear.  Eyes burning, her face still turned away from her companion, Bette fruitlessly blinked back tears that fell from troubled eyes onto apprehensive features. 

Leaning her forehead onto the cool glass, shoulders curled inward, she held onto her torso with crossed arms.  She shuddered.  The endearment reminded her of happy times full of loving gestures.  Of the hopes and dreams it intimated. 

But in that instant its mention was filled with lost meaning.  Offset by more recent events.  Overrun instead, with the memory of the ignored sentiment of ‘I’ll miss you.’  Of the recollection of when the accusation of ‘You don’t love me’ rendered neither word nor deed to dispute the statement. 

Having to apologize for her touch.  During the early hours, unconsciously shifting her position to where she had been comfortable and welcomed in the past.  Laying an arm over the blonde who slept beside her.  Even in sleep she ached for her love. 

‘Sorry’ the darker woman said as she inched away. ‘I didn’t mean to touch you.’

With words Tina refuted what her actions clearly stated.  Her back was still turned as she denied it.  Further proof that Tina had let go.  And wanted someone else.  The touch of her partner of many years no longer sought.