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    Open Doors

    Tina stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror as tears streamed down her cheeks. She didn’t know what to do or how to move forward with Bette. She kept replaying their conversation and one particular part was on loop in her heart.

    “I’ve been struggling with trying to reconcile my hurt. Shane told me I needed to figure out which was bigger…the hurt or the love.”

    “And have you? Figured it out?”

    “No, I haven’t.”

    “Oh. But…so what I’m hearing you say is that you still love me.”

    “I…do.”

    “But the hole you left in my heart is still there.”

    “I know it is. And if given the chance, I will mend us.”

    “I don’t know if it can be fixed.”

    “We can try.”

    “I don’t know if I want to try.”

    “Oh,” Tina said as tears sprang to her eyes.

    The tears came faster while Tina gripped the marble countertop with her left hand and covered her mouth with her right hand to stifle her sobs. She closed the bathroom door securely and slowly walked into the steam billowing from the shower as it began fogging up the mirror. Tina stood directly under the water and lifted her head up with her eyes closed. The hot water mixed with her hot tears.

    “So, you don’t want me anymore?”

    “Of course, I want you. Yes, I want you. I never stopped wanting you. But you forgot that part when you were making me out to be the villain,” Bette barked.

    The water was soothing on Tina’s face. The echoes of Bette’s words were not so soothing.

    “Don’t you understand? I miss us. But I don’t know if we can ever get us back. I want to slam you against these obscenely huge windows and fuck you for hours. I want you to scream my name. I want you to make me scream. But that’s not going to make us better. Is it? It’s only going to confuse the situation.”

    Tina remembered how big Bette’s eyes got. That was one of her defense mechanisms. To make her eyes big and stare with this stern look on her face. Tina usually found it endearing. As a matter of fact, Tina remembered laughing the first time Bette tried it on her. But there was no laughter tonight. Tonight, Bette’s eyes broke her heart into a gazillion pieces.

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    Comments

    1. When i recieved the notification that you posted a new chapter i was excited and sad that i had to wait for at least ten hours before i could read it. Life is getting in the way sometimes!

      A fantastic chapter! I love the flasbacks combined with the present.

      How they both have conversations in their own heads and that Tina feels and seems to understand the pain Bette feels when she left Bette the way she did. How Bette battles her pain over what Tina did and her love for Tina.

      Both Kit and Shane are very direct towards Tina and Bette, they both give valuable advice, but it is up to Tina and Bette whether they do anything with it. And above all, Bette is the one who has to decide whether to give her feelings and love for Tina a chance and whether she can trust Tina completely again. Tina needs to keep fighting for Bette and their relationship by expressing her love and in little things as calling Bette baby and most of all to give Bette the time and space she needs.

      My heart broke at the end when Tina pleaded to Bette to stay, so what is Bette going to do? Stay or go to the hotel?! I hope you will answer that question soon!

      • So much internal struggle for both of them. I think it’s important we get to see their struggles and how they decide to deal with them. That’s my goal at least. This is story is far longer than I originally anticipated and it has taken a beautiful turn from what I originally had in my head. I’m glad Bette and Tina are driving the story. I get surprised with each turn myself. lol

        Let’s see what Bette decides. I’m proud of Tina for the way she is choosing to show up for Bette.

    2. Ohhh I love when Writers flashack. It’s such a refreshing way to makes us all take a breath & rub our hands with glee as you answer questions.

      I love how Tina calling Bette “baby,babe, sugar, honey bunches, keeps falling out of her mouth without hesitancy.

      This s just a gr8 love story . . .

      • I love a good flashback too. It’s so important in this part of the story since they aren’t together. So, it allows the reader to get a feel for how much they truly love each other even though they are going through a rough patch. It also reminds Bette and Tina how much they love each other. And maybe they can find their way back to each other.

        I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Thank you!

    3. Just catching up with this story. I am binge-reading and it is so worth it. Well done. I am a huge fan of flashbacks and pet names and B&T remembering how much they mean to each other. Looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks

    4. Thank you for this update…. I appreciate that both Kit and Shane are trying to support Tina and Bette. Shane is right – Bette has to either make the effort to try to reconcile with Tina or walk away and figure out how she is going to live without her. Sometimes I wish these characters would just think in terms of steps to a goal. And ask themselves – What is going to make me happier – giving up or trying to make a go of it? Going to straight to “How can I ever trust her again” is like eating the whole meal in a single bite. Not physically or mentally possible or emotionally possible. Trust has to be built and earned. There are no automatics in trust. Tina is who she is. Bette either needs to accept that or she rejects that. Could any of this happen again? Oh absolutely… but it may not ever happen again. So Bette needs to decide what she wants – a live with Tina even with the possibility she will hurt her again or she needs to walk away and build a life without her. Bette knows that she loves Tina and that Tina makes her happy…. so what is the alternative. Find another which will make her just as happy or make a relationship with Tina. Yes, Bette has been hurt. But is it Bette or Tina who is perpetuating the hurt? It’s Bette. If (or when) they do try to put the pieces back together, there are no guarantees. But sometimes, you just have to risk the possibility of future pain, for the almost guarantee of much joy until that happens.

      Thank you for the chapter….

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