Dana had just finished telling me that she thought her relationship was over. I couldn’t hear all of her words but I pieced the rest together and smiled internally. Fuck that, I did a small happy dance. I didn’t wish unhappiness on my friend but I wished for a second chance and this felt like it maybe could be for us. I knew I was thinking ahead of myself and gave a quick berating for getting too used to the idea of us trying again, after all it wasn’t so long ago that I was drinking myself to sleep and popping pills to try and block any thought of her out. This was something I’d have to work on before any attempt at a relationship was made, I needed help and I swore to myself in that moment that if I recovered I’d seek it. I felt like I’d found this new determination, I not only wanted to wake up but needed to now. I had a purpose, she was sitting right fucking beside me and I needed to be able to see her and know that she was really there.

Dana took a deep sigh and I wanted to pull her on to the bed next to me, cradle her and evaporate her worries so that she could sleep easy. I knew she must have been looking tired and worn out, I felt like I was being a vampire to her, slowly draining away her essence and sense of normality. I concentrated so hard on the weight in my hand. It felt so right and I wanted more than anything to clasp my fingers around hers. That’s when I felt it. My finger twitched ever so slightly bringing me one step closer to recovery.

I heard a lot of commotion around me and assumed doctors and nurses were now at my bedside checking my vitals and reconfiguring all my machines. I still didn’t know what I was hooked up to but after watching so many episodes of ER I could only guess it probably didn’t look too pretty. I heard a male voice asking if I could hear him and desperately wanted to nod, unable to do so, I tried the next best thing, clenching my fist. It didn’t work exactly but I felt like I’d moved enough for them to notice and heard Dana yelling that she had seen my hand trying to close. I was so thankful she was right beside me in that moment. I then opted to do something I hadn’t done in what felt like ages, open my eyes. It was hard at first, they just didn’t budge, and no matter how long I yelled inside for them to move they disobeyed me. I tried again, becoming tired from the amount of effort and focus it took and then accepted that I had once again overdone it and was drifting back to my new unconscious life I had become accustomed to.