Alice moved her mouth to Danas ear and whispered, Its a tradeoff, Dana.  I feel less good or happy to feel less bad.  Seeing the slightly confused look on Danas face she elaborated, Its like cutting off the ends of an emotional spectrum.  I only feel what is in the middle.

            Im sorry.

            Alice shrugged her shoulders, You dont have to be.  Soyou know my shame, tell me yours.

            W-what?

            What are you most shameful of?

            Dana rubbed her hand over her face, I dontI uhshitAl, I cant do this.  She looked at Alices pleading eyes, My biggest shame is how my actions hurt you.  Thats it.  I hate myself for hurting you.  God, how I hate myself!  Dana buried her face in her hands and began sobbing. 

            Alice watched Dana for a few moments completely stunned.  She finally came to her senses and wrapped her arms around the athlete.    She held Dana close for a long time. 

            Dana sniffled into Alices shoulder and looked up at her, Did I break you? 

            Alice shook her head, No, babe, you didnt break me. Its a lot of things all at once and I couldnt handle it.  I just cant keep it together anymore, Dane.  Ill be ok.  Shh.  Dont cry.  She stroked Danas hair.  Youll just have to help me put myself back together.

            How, Al?

            Wish I knew.

            The days and weeks passed.  Life became a routine.  Alice and Dana had worked out their schedules so that they could keep their situation unknown from the others.  Neither one of them wanted to answer the questions from their friends.  The two women knew they needed more time to figure out where on the spectrum that separated friends from lovers they stood.  Dana had manipulated her tennis schedule in such a way that she was away at practice the same time Shane would pop over in the mornings to make sure Alice hadnt overdosed or anything like that.  Every Tuesday and Friday night was reserved for Tina and Bette and Dana had used those days to hang out with Michelle.  Dana was grateful for those days away from Los Angeles.  It was difficult being around Alice at times.  The blonde was different- darker and her moods could switch at the drop of a dime.  It wore on Dana, but she was determined that things would improve in time.  She didnt understand depression or how it worked, but still believed that Alice needed to have her presence to heal.