In Survivalism training they taught us that if we keep our eye on the scope we would develop “eye rot.” Eye rot happens when sweat builds and builds over a period time. A round rash that never really goes away.  They trained us for everything and nothing. Experiments for future wars. We didn’t know that. We didn’t know anything. Everyone had a story. And so it went.

“Angel…..do you read? Fire on your target…..Angel……”

And Carmen saying where do you want to fuck tonight. And me thinking nowhere. At the range she was good, 1k out and out barrels of hay. Clouds dark in the sky, that scent of rain then drops and drops, cracks of lighting blazing and that pop, pop, pop, crack of her rifle, god she was good. The others just watching, the Master Chief letting us all just watch. She was a machine, she didn’t break. Even when others did, complaints about shoulder aches, and eye rot and all that. She asks for a break and they give it to her, and then it’s my turn and I know she was watching, I could feel her eyes on me. Mud and rain and no light and I failed because I couldn’t be like her.

And the Master Chief telling me that I was wasting his time. And that Morales was better. Inside I was thrilled her name was Carmen Morales. And it was her. And she was perfect.

“Where do you want to fuck tonight?”

“What”

“We have to be quiet…you know….if they find out…how you feel about me….well….that might be a problem.”

Information bleed is when memories flood you at a rate that makes you feel like yesterday. Every day feels like yesterday to me. I’m on the river and the air lift is late. And the flames from the shore are getting closer with each boom. I made a mess and Carmen was coming to get me because back then she could. The water in the river was brown but getting red and boom. I wake because the wind is whipping water and her hand reaches me and his hand reaches me and she gave me one more try, she was in white but they kept calling me Angel.