Fan Fiction
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Planet Terror: Sufragette City
“Helena! Do tell me where you are…we’re coming to get you. Are there many people with you?” If anyone could sound like a posh Londoner with an American accent, it would be Peggy Peabody. Her voice came through the radio, clear and loud, despite competing with the sound of a helicopter.
Helena tried to put her pants on as she spoke into the radio. “Mummy, yes, well, there are six…no…seven…well six and a half…oh, just come and get us, please!”
While Helena babbled to her mother, Bette stood and listened at the door of the room.
“Wait…Helena…shhhhh…” She silenced her girlfriend momentarily. A strange moaning sound came from beyond the door. “What?” Looking confused now, Bette ran to the small barred window on the other end of the room.
“oh…FUCK me…” she said, her face losing all color.
“Darling, I just did…” Helena smirked.
“Not now, Helena…we have a huge fucking problem…” Bette gestured wildly outside, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.
Helena finished giving her mother information on their whereabouts and walked calmly over to wrap her arms around Bette’s naked form. “What could possibly be the problem now?” She sighed, nuzzling Bette’s neck from behind. “Really, help is on the way, and those things can’t have…oh…” She gasped at the sight outside their window.
“Caiohme…” was all she could say.
Bette jumped into action first, throwing her pants, boots and tank top on. She tossed Helena’s clothes to her and they prepared quickly.
Outside their window, dozens of reanimated corpses lurched and ambled about. In the hallway beyond their room, some of these creatures had spilled inside, searching for the source of warm blood and flesh which they could smell in the air.
“Bette, get the door.” Helena said calmly, standing with her Vulcan readied.
When Bette opened the door, she was immediately hit with a hunting knife, thrown from somewhere beyond the wall of zombies. Just as she moved to remove the knife from her arm, exclaiming “hey, this is Jenny’s!”, dozens of hands reached for her.
“Bette, move back!” Helena shouted. “Bette!” But she herself had to help Bette now, who struggled against the clawed fingers. “NOOOOO!” Helena shrieked.
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Peggy Peabody rules! Trust Peggy not to allow the zombie apocalypse to interfere with her luxurious lifestyle. Love the mother-daughter squabbling, although it’s hardly a fair fight: who could ever best PP in an argument? I’m still pondering the snakes on a plane reference; on the plus side, it would certainly have more popular appeal than Mrs. Dalloway.
No, No, and thrice No! No zombie-things feasting on anyone in the helicopter, unless it’s Peggy’s pet poodles Muffy, Buffy and Jaunty. Just no. Please no? And yes, I’m with rufus, Peggy Peabody does indeed rule. The Snakes on a Plane reference escapes me… Peggy didn’t say that she has had it with these mf’ing zombies on her mf’ing copter, did she? No? Okay then, that’s it confirmed; the reference escapes me. More soon, please. thanks!
And I still want to know what those zombie things woke up… and will they wake up more of them when they all get to Hawaii? Will they even make it to Hawaii? Right, I’ll not fret, I’ll just wiat for the next post…
Yes! Gore and mayhem! Bette should know there never is time to consider facts in the face of a nightmare. And dear Peggy, may not have been too domestict, but what good is being domestic in the middle of an apocalypse? June Cleaver was great for cookies and comfort, but could she organize an slaughter/evacuation? Not happy (well, actually, yes I am) that an zombie is clinging to the outside of Peggy’s helicopter like the Alien on the outside of Ripley’s escape pod. Hey! Can Siguerney Weaver make an appearance? She was hot! Anyway, I hope I wasn’t too harsh about Dead Girl. It’s just that I’m reminded of the Talking Heads when they told us that Heaven was a place where nothing ever happens. I suspect if you continue with it, I’ll most likely read, just to see what you’ve done.
Peggy Peabody is the shit! But her friends are named Muffy, Buffy and Jaunty…how, rich, literally…pps