Her friends had been patient beyond measure with her during that time.  Especially when as she moved through the so called stages of grief, to anger she included all of them in her What If game in an accusatory fashion.  “What if you had come over and stayed with her that night while I was on my date?” she had asked Shane.  “What if you had stayed with her at the hospital that day instead of going off to meet Henry?” she had asked Tina.  “What if you hadn’t left her?” she had asked Lara as she lay beside her wracked with guilt and remorse over the bizarre events that they had allowed to transpire between them each desperately seeking some connection to Dana through the other. “What if you had been there at all and not been so obsessed with yourself on your stupid fucking retreat?” she had levelled at Bette.  On and on it went as Alice desperately sought a place to lay the blame.  The concept that this was just what the universe had intended was unbearable to Alice.  For if that were truly the case, if this universe intended for Dana to die and leave Alice behind without her, then Alice was fairly sure that it was not a universe in which she could stay for much longer.

Startled by a pain beneath her ribs Alice suddenly became aware that she was still running.  She abruptly came to a halt as she realised how out of breath she now was and the pain of the developing stitch intensified.  Folding her arms behind her head trying to stretch out of the pain she started walking slowly forward.  “Shit” she thought to herself. “I can’t go back there.”    It had taken a long time but Alice had finally managed to accept that at the very least Dana’s death had been unavoidable.  If she was to move forward and experience any kind of happiness in her life at all, be that alone or with someone else, she had to absolve herself of the responsibility she had felt for Dana’s death.  Logically she knew that it wasn’t her fault and even if she could go back and do things differently there is very little she would change and ultimately none of what she would change would alter the final outcome.