I want to say here and now that if you decide to go ahead with your surgery I completely support your decision.  I had this amazing moment of clarity.  The anger subsided momentarily and I realised that despite what other people might think if you go ahead with it, what we will have in common is not an operation, it’s living through the process of actually becoming yourself. 

You are sort of living the same life that I was living when I first became friends with this amazing gang of women.  I was living so deep in the closet it’s a wonder I didn’t  end up in Narnia.  I was terrified of coming out, worried that I wouldn’t be accepted professionally or personally.  I got up every day and lived my life but was never completely able to be me.  The result was that for years, the day ended and I went to bed and I was exhausted.  It didn’t matter if I’d played a five set match or had a rest day, it wasn’t physical tiredness.  It was a weariness that overtook my whole being.   Nothing I did could shake it.  Then, I came out and it was hard.  There was no fairytale coming out story with liberal parents who told me none of it mattered because they loved me anyway.   But it didn’t matter because suddenly when I got to the end of my day that weariness was no longer there.  The honesty of embracing completely the person I am gave me an inner peace that I never thought possible.

I know you might not think this applies to you because you’re not hiding who you are in the same way that I was but actually I think there are a lot of parallels.  You’re seeking external  validation from the people around you to tell you it’s ok to go and have this surgery.  You’re waiting for everyone else to agree with the decision you have already made for yourself before you follow through with it.  The point is that it has to be the other way around.   You’ll have this surgery and start living the life you believe you were destined to live and that will be so apparent to the people around you that acceptance will just follow naturally.