I walked out onto the deck and waited for her. She needed a minute to think alone without the distraction that we made for ourselves with ourselves. I watched the black sea, the other sail boats or yacht’s or big assed boats. I watched the gray soup of the sky. I watched and I waited and I smoked. And I thought of that old Pearl Jam song, the one about the ocean and said smallest ocean’s giving big, big waves. Everything about this all felt wrong. I shouldn’t have been allowed to have her. She shouldn’t have been allowed to have me. And like the song, we decided, we took the time, we took the life, we waited for signs….and yes we waited for the lies to get by. And luckily she appeared before I talked myself into something worse.

She had the urn. And she looked ready to say goodbye.

“I can do this.” she said with determination in her voice.

“Yes you can.”

“We talked about this you know. Back in those days in high school….me the Goth girl and him the jock….we would talk about what songs we wanted played at our funeral……he kept changing his pick…………..I can do this….all I have to do is open and drop him into the sea…..right? I can do this?”

“Carmen I can help you…”

Her voices it catches in her throat. I go to her but she just holds her hand up to stop me. She looks at the urn for the longest time and slowly takes the top off. Hand on the rail as she tips the urn over and in a gust of wind all that was Bruce Curry vanishes into the world. The only words Carmen spoke as she emptied the contents, “You meant everything to me….”  

I light a cigarette and watch the sun melt into the sky as it sets.

 We had a nice dinner. We listen to Love Rockets in honor of what they had. We drank and where silent. When the time came we where close, so very close. Leaning my against her, the soft feel of her body against mine. The lights where dim as she stripped down to nothing, watching the delicious sway of her hips as she walked over to the big plush love seat. She curled her finger in an invitation to forget it all. That sloshing sound, the waves cresting, the soft music…everything just right. I stripped down all too eager to feel her, to be near her and I was.