My life story to her while she half slept. There wasn’t much, I dropped out of school did some modeling in Miami for the dreaded Hugo Boss, smirk on her face because she had my ad in one of her drawers in her desk. Going on about the big move out west the chance audition for the walk on role, the affair with Cheri Jaffe, trying out for Shade of blue and the role going to someone else, then the chance meeting for me with Mark and here we are now…….

Stuff about our meeting in life and the choices we made leading to this moment. In her arms her soft breathing under me. Kissing away her bad dreams for her. Not wanting to close my eyes in fear that it would all go away. It kept me down. And I asked that last night before we left to head back to L.A. I asked her while she half slept, I asked her so now what.

“So now what?”

“You live with me and we live together and we forget about everything else.”

“That sounds fantastic…..but what about the movie and our lives….sooner or later it gets out….then what?”

“Well it can’t get out now….its just too soon, not that I care because I am so far away from  caring about that shit….but you….you have so much talent…..after we finish the movie it will get out…..and by then no one will care….the movie is too good and daring….then you are all mine.”

“Carmen I was all yours when you called me the big hoodlum….”

“I said that to you?”

“Yes you did.”

She laughs sweet just a little chuckle. We load up and head back LA. Kissing in the back of her car like teenagers. Thinking all kinds of wild things, like finally coming clean with my folks and giving her some kind of family, like kissing her in front of everyone at the Wach when my brother scored the game winning goal, like Christmas and New Years and turkey and walking down the red carpeted way for our movie and everyone eating their hearts cause she is my girl and that was alright.