“This is not working……….wait a minute you guys….I see something…..Carm….do you see that?”

“……..Think about it…pulling up a lawn chair…A cool lemonade in your hand…a sweet honey on your arm…..and the world drowning in flames all around….I wouldn’t need to drink the lemonade….its just for show…..I would become a blood hunter….stalking out everyone…who….has managed to survive…eventually killing them all….and dying out all by myself….…..”

“…….I hear that…..but think of the excellence….the French Grand Prix…Monaco……Montréal….going like 213 in a car that I am heavier than……now that’s something……”

“…………..I came back from Milan and he was gone….just gone…..we walked out there and just got rid of him….sometimes I stare out at that water…and I just know that he was sleeping…..and maybe I made mistake…..maybe…….”

“…I guess its my turn…….sometimes I stay up….and I think about clouds and how the night is the only time they get a break from us spying on them…..but not tonight…tonight I can see them…..I….see…..you……….”

Hysterical laughter. The kind of laughter that makes you think you will pee on yourself…….

And we all sleep as we where.

I wake up later needing water badly. I hear someone getting sick behind the rock. I get up slowly and I walk over. Its Carmen. She is puking her guts up. Mushrooms have that effect. I help her by holding her hair so she can puke without worrying about her hair. It was the only thing my mind could do. I told her to wait and I ran back to my trailer and got her some water. Everything was still a blur but it was a blur I could manage. When I get back to her she is leaning against the rock with her knees drawn up in her arms. She looks lost and sad and sweet and innocent.

I wanted to hug her. Just pull her close. I wanted to tell her that it was going to be ok. That she was going to be fine but I didn’t. Instead I handed her the water. She was grateful and she drank it down. I sat next to her and she leaned her head on my shoulder.

I took a deep breath. I helped her up and we walked very slowly back to my trailer. It was closer. I help her up the small steps and she opens the door and we walk inside. Everything nice, packed just they way I left it. I walk her over to the bed and she lies back. I get her some more water and she drinks but not a lot. She seemed a little better. I asked her just to make sure.

“Hey….look at me….are you alright?”

“Yes….now I am alright.”

“Good….I am going to get Bruce….you guys can stay here…”

“No…..no Bruce…..just stay with me….”

“…..alright….. What did you see?”

“In my vision quest…….I saw the light……”

“Was it a good light?”

“Shane….are there any bad lights?”

“Oh yes…they exist everywhere…..false light…”

“You are trashed…”

“Yes and no……take fame for example…..how much of it is good light?”

“Ok…..I get what you mean…….I saw this golden yellow light……it was nice……then I heard what you said….and it made me laugh…..everything made me laugh……I wanted to kiss you….to make sure I would like it….I liked it a lot…….most times it all I can think about……”

The telegraphed moment….she fell asleep…….and whether she remembered or not….I haven’t got it out of her.