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Riders Ch. 8
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“Fuck you all this is not even remotely funny, we cannot keep a baby for five days. So stop it this is no laughing matter.”
Really up until she said that I was doing ok. But in any situation if someone tells me it is not funny my urge to laugh becomes unstoppable. It has always been that way; it got me into a lot of trouble at school and even more when I got fits of nervous laughter at my uncle Bill’s funeral. So I found myself in hysterics as I watched Tina come a little bit closer to a nervous break down, that wouldn’t of been so bad but it was contagious so the three of us were just stood there crying from laughter unable to help in any way.
After a while we managed to gain some form of control, I was just about to try and start a conversation about what to do when something caught my attention.
“Jesus Christ Alice, I told you not to eat that curry yesterday, that stinks bad, even by your standards.”
“Dana!!! I can’t believe you are blaming me for that smell when there is a baby in the room. It is not me, and my farts never smell that bad.”
Well this stopped any remnants of laughter as we realised that we had run into our first problem.
“Oh God what are we going to do we need some diapers.”
“Oh Why don’t we just take the old one off and put it in water till we figure out how to get some.”
“Seriously? Put it in water Alice. That’s perfect it has regressed from being a puppy to being a house plant.”
Ok Alice was right I was the oldest, I had a good brain and I needed to take charge before we all passed out from the smell. So I picked up the phone.
“Yes, hello this is Dana Fairbanks. I need to get a concierge or someone to pick up some things and send them to Tina Kennard’s room. Oh but I need a separate bill in my name and no one can know.”
I listened as the receptionist rambled on for a while about how discretion was the hotels priority blah blah blah before I started to give her a list.
“Diapers for a boy baby. Uhm milk or baby formula or something. Baby wipes, some baby clothes for an 11 month old and maybe a book on parenting or a manual or something along those lines. Thnak you ok please hurry. Oh and a really strong air freshener.”
Fine now that was done I turned back to the baby.
“Well I spend half my time with my hand shoved up animals bum’s so I am sure I can deal with a bit of baby turd. Alice bring it, I mean him, to the bathroom.”
“WHAT, why me? It’s Tina’s nephew.”
“Yes but Tina needs to go with Bette and get ready for dinner in her room. Bette you are going to have to go too. Just put on a lot of make up and wear your hair over your face or something. Tell them I am looking after Alice.”
I have never seen two people look so relived as them as they sprinted out of the room leaving just me Alice and the baby. And that is when the crying started again.
Then as though our brains were linked we both had the same idea.
“Bidet!!!”
Now you know the phrase great minds think alike? Absolutely not suitable for this particular idea. Let’s just say I should have foreseen that we were about to begin the trail of carnage that would follow in our wake for the next few days across main land Europe.
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Until now this story has been great and hilarious, but Ellie R this is very weird!!!!! Post soon….
Wow, Kim left her child to Tina? She must trust Tina a lot. But why did she take the baby to Tina when there’s someone who could take care of the baby? She doesn’t want her fiance to know she has a baby? Or it’s not her baby, she just try to mess things up? Weird woman, hoho.
I totally enjoyed the chapter..I don’t think you can write anything that is slow. I think then next few days will be a hoot.
A baby? A definite surprise! Not where I imagined this might be leading. I guess it could be a humorous detour for B/T. Enjoy Amsterdam, adn thanks for writing!
So Tina has a bitch of a sister, don’t we all. I just knew it was a baby but the way they all were talking about it I thought that I was wrong. Fun and games and general hilarity shall ensue. This is going to be a riot. Especially with Alice and Dana involved. Post soon please , I can hardly wait to see what happens next with the little guy and all these idiots around him.
I can’t believe they are going to use a Bidet on that baby. I hope they get pooopy all over then. but dont hurt the baby. At 11 months he can be put into the tub and wash. wwwhat kind of a mother would go off and leave a baby.that is evil. We are in for a wild ride for the next 5 days, Bette face and a baby boy/ thanks
I was thinking it was a baby too. This could be like 4 woman(three men) and a baby with much hilarity to follow. How will miss cranky pants handle her nephew lol.
Ahh love this and can’t stop laughing. this is gonna be fun and can’t wait to see how they handle the baby. Ok post soon please, thanks!
1st brb
This chapter was by no means slow. I just knew when Kim said she left something in Tina’s room that it would be a baby. What the hell is that woman’s problem? After I got over that initial rage I sarted cracking up yet again especially over Alice acting like she was upset and the curry comment. Now, I’ve never used a bidet but I have a feeling hilarity will ensue with Alice and Dana trying to use one with a little baby. xD
i also thought of a baby right away until you began discribing their reaction and i thought of a lizard or something…LOL, it should be hilarious trip
LOL Great chapp! Thanks! So you’re in Holland eh? you like it in my country LOL
Now exactly what did Tina’s sister mean when she said 6 years of favors rolled into one. I understand the baby but not the 6 years of favors. (you my brain is just not wired correctly) This is going to be a wild ride for the next 5 days with a 11 month old baby boy. I can’t wait to see how they are going to hide Bette’s face and a baby boy.