“Jill the cousin. Gwen killed by his arch enemy…sounds familiar doesn’t it?”

“It’s just a story Carmen…a comic book story why don’t you say what you mean!”

She has this wounded look on her face. I feel like a fucking tool.

“I am sorry….I am sorry….”

“You took a while getting back…did you get lost or something?”

“What you have me timed now…?”

“No you just took a while I was worried something happened to you and our son…god Shane…what’s with you?”

“I need to get out of here….I’ll see you later…”

“Where are you going?”

“Out!”

I slammed the door and got in my car and I drive. Did I know where I was going? Was it a plan? I drive so fast that I was blur on the quite highway. I pull up to the black wrought iron gates. My bottle of Jamison in my hand. Cigarette hanging off my lip. I tuck the bottle in my back pocket. And I climb the tree that hangs over the gate. I land on the soft earth on the other side. The full moon gave me just enough light to find her grave. Unkempt, as if no one cared.

I smooth the dirt out of the letters. I read them.

 Carmen de la pica Morales. Died too young. She will be missed.

I choose those words. I open the bottle and drink. The sting hurts it burns. I drink half the bottle in one long gulp. I sit down and I light a smoke. I have to do this. I have to say goodbye to her. I never dealt with it. My vision blurs when I cry. Tears making the dark wilderness around me blur into one messed up color.

“So I know you are not in here. I know that. I…amso lucky….I still have you….but idont…you member whenwe…fiiirst met? I kneeew…uh…I knew that I was inlovewithyouuu. I juss knew it. I know…its oneofthose thingsss….you know..thingsss. you meet someone and yoou juuust knowwit…you know? You felt it tooo. You knew it…this new girl…I love her…I know…you…you would…behappy…no wait….letme start again….you died…and there is this new girl….and she is you….but she isn’t….and it’s werird cause ….cause, cause I love her…but I love you….but I love her…does that make any sense….? I don’t knowww…I don’t know…..so I am here to say….bye…..I am here to say that I am in love without you……I am lucky….she is beautiful…..she is you…she is you…..you is she……….. “

TBC

Featured Song:  Love will tear us apart. By Joy Division