It’s crazy, the things Bette would do for Tina. But then it’s also crazy, the things you would do for Bette.

One day, you see that look in her eyes again. Tina has closed her locker, given a small wave to the both of you and turned around. Once again, Bette is looking at her as if she’s the only person on this Earth that will ever matter to her.

Later that same day, as you inspect your hair in the mirror you keep in your locker, you take a decision. It’s the last time you see your hair brown.

It’s rash and maybe even a bit foolish, but you find yourself at the hairdresser’s anyway and you voice the thought out loud for the first time.

"I want to be a blonde."

The hairdresser cocks an eyebrow, shrugs and gets to work.

You just want her to look at you the way she looks at Tina Kennard. Maybe if you look like her enough, the resemblance will strike Bette and maybe that will be enough. You even buy hazel contacts to go with them.

The next day, your heart beats faster than ever in your chest as you approach your locker. Not everybody seems to recognize you and when Bette turns the corner, she scowls as well. It’s only when you’re facing each other that Bette’s scowl changes to a look of surprise.

"Dane! What did you do?"

You smile brightly, hopefully. "I decided I wanted a change. Do you like it?"

"I… wow, it’s… different," she stutters. Then she smiles, friendly. "Yeah, it’s nice. I guess yesterday changed a lot for the both of us, then."

"What do you mean?" you ask, confused. You don’t like where this is going, but you decide to wait it out. Maybe she realized that she loves you after all? You immediately chastise yourself – you’ve taught yourself long ago to not hope such things.

She beams in pure and utter happiness. You’ve never seen her this happy before and you feel your heart sink.

"Tina kissed me last night," she grins excitedly, not even bothering to look around if anyone heard her.

You figure that it’s probably pointless to remind Bette of the fact that you told her you heard Coach Strauss say that she would make Bette Captain of the cheerleaders if Tina didn’t step up her game. That the both of you know that all the other cheerleaders are too scared of Tina to try and beat her to the top, and that they’re frankly also inexperienced. That Bette is the only threat to Tina.

Your heart throbs when you see them secretly hold hands in the car, steal a kiss after class when the others are gone. When Bette tells you about the first time they made love – because that’s how she phrases it – and how it was the best she has ever had (despite the fact that Tina has never been with a girl before and her only experience with a boy is Josh).

You cry yourself to sleep when you think about the happiness in Bette’s eyes, her eagerness to swallow any story Tina feeds her about how they have to be careful that nobody finds out because it would cost them their much desired status. That Liam, the new hot football player, is only a beard.

Your blonde hair doesn’t matter. The hazel contacts you bought don’t matter. No matter how hard you try, you will never be Tina Kennard for her.

You almost feel numb when you realize that Bette genuinely believes that their stolen moments, their secretive kisses, the sneaky sex, is an actual relationship.

It breaks your heart when you realize that Bette genuinely believes that Tina loves her and wants to be with her, and that she’ll never buy it if you tell her that she doesn’t.

You don’t think you can breathe when it hits you that Bette will always chose Tina Kennard over you and that even if Tina would shatter her world, that still wouldn’t change.

But still, you can’t help it. Before you go to sleep every night, your shaking hands hold the phrame of the picture of the two of you. You carress her cheek and mutter: "I love you" through your tears.