You feel bile in your mouth when you realize her intentions.

She wants to be you to Bette, when all you want is for her to look at you the way she looks at Bette. This is some fucked up shit.

That same day, you make out with Bette behind the bleachers. You’re going to drag this one out. If living with your parents has enhanced one skill of yours, it’s the acting skill. The years of pretending are finally proving their worth.

You set up a story about how you need to keep seeing Liam – simply because you do.

Liam isn’t a fool, he knows you’re not into him, but he also knows that you know he’s not into girls at all. (You’re not quite ready to admit that you‘re not into guys at all. You keep telling yourself it’s just Dana, and how are you supposed to fight any feelings you have for her?) Bette doesn’t need to know any of this.

"I understand, baby."

You smile. "Baby," you say slowly, pretending to test the word. "I like that."

You then set up some rules to hide the relationship. You knew your plan would work.

Bette is so blinded by her obsessive love for you, it’s pathetic. In fact, she’s not even in love with the real you. She’s in love with the idea she has developed of you over the years. (You refuse to believe you’ve done the same with Dana. You ignore the rumors about Lara being after her – you can’t afford to lose yourself in rage the way Bette does.)

You can’t deny that the first time you two fuck is magical. It’s better than you’d thought it would be. She just keeps going. It’s as if you’ve unleashed a monster within her. She whispers sweet nothings, treats you so gently, gingerly even, and for the first time you feel guilty for what you’re doing.

When you kiss Bette, you can only think that Dana kisses those lips.

When your tongue meets Bette’s, you can only think that Dana’s has too.

You have sex with Dana through Bette. It’s wicked and perverse, but it’s the best you can get. In the meanwhile, Bette’s teaching you all about sex, which you will put to good use once you have Dana.