You love her because she always has your back. When she found out you were pregnant, she nearly killed Josh. When you stopped her with the touch of a hand, with one look – you felt that surge of power again. She’s almost like a puppet in your hands. Sometimes, it’s like you can perform magic. Sometimes you hurt her, just to see what she’ll do, and it’s fucking amazing how her resolve just melts if you look into her eyes and mutter a soft apology – you can see it crumble right in front of you.

You have to hand it to her, in eleven years she hasn’t given up on you. You’re not sure whether that is romantic, worrying or terrifying.

But you hate her. You’re not stupid. You know something is up with her and Dana, and you definitely know when you walk in on them one day in Bette’s room. They are too busy to notice you and you immediately leave. You’re crying by the time you’ve reached your car. You swear you could kill her for touching Dana.

Dana is pure and innocent and Bette should know better than to fucking taint her. Bette should just stay away from her, especially when you know she’s too obsessed with you to truly care about Dana, which means she’s using Dana.

You decide you’ll have your revenge.

You will defend Dana’s honor until the day you die, the only good thing you’ll ever do with your miserable life.

When Coach Strauss tells you the next day that you’ll have to step up your game if you don’t want to lose your title as Captain to Bette, the game is so on. She has already taken Dana away from you – she won’t fucking havethis as well.

You decide to use Bette in turn. You go to her house that night and kiss her. You see what it does to her, how it shakes her to her core.

You want to use her and then dump her. You want to stomp on her empty heart for abusing Dana. Dana deserves better. At least you would take care of her and protect her, respect her. You want to hurt her.

The next day, Dana has dyed her hair and it confuses you. Why would she do that? She was perfect just the way she was. She had such beautiful hair. The amount of time you’ve spent dreaming about running your hands through it… You’ll have to readjust all your mental images of the two of you together. Edit the pictures in your head.