“Tina?” Bette said breaking the concentration she had on the pen in her hands. “I want you to relax and just talk to me. You’re a bundle of nerves and it’s a distraction. Just let go and talk to me like we’re back at home. Ok?” she said now taking a seat on the same window ledge and taking Tina’s hands in hers and rubbing them very slowly.

“Ok.” she said and took a couple of deep breaths, “I’m sorry I blamed you for the mess that came from all of this. You didn’t deserve that.” she finished and felt her emotions forcing themselves through her voice. Maybe I had this coming.” Tina stopped to find the right words that were struggling to be voiced “I don’t know if I ever loved Justine the way that I should’ve. I think I conditioned myself to love her because I couldn’t have you. God, how fucked up is that?”

Bette saw no need to judge her, she just nodded her head in understanding and continued to provide an ear to listen as Tina poured out what had obviously been pent up for so long. This felt familiar and true to the role she felt comfortable with, with Tina as her friend.

“I never meant to keep any secrets from you Tina. It all just happened so fast and everything just snapped out of place.”

“I know, I know, and I shouldn’t have left like that. If anything I should’ve stayed and dealt with what was going on, now I got this huge mess to figure out.” Tina said and let her thoughts run on as she was lost staring at the floor, but she enjoyed the feel of Bette holding her hands, the familiarity of her playing with her fingers made her feel stable again.

“Maybe me trusting you more than Justine is where I fucked up. I think that’s why I was more mad at you than I was with Justine. I held you up to a higher standard than her. I already knew that she was capable of breaking my heart, it’s just who she is. But you, I thought you were the one would always tell me the truth no matter what. And I see now how fucked up and unfair that was, seeing as how I wasn’t even telling the truth to myself. Maybe we were doomed from the point where I said yes to her proposal.” Tina smiled as thoughts from those days came flooding back to her. “ Ya know, I don’t even remember saying yes to her.”

“How did it get that far then?” Bette asked astonished that Tina would ever let the situation get as far it did.

“She said something about a caterer that we should check out and I asked her “why” and she said for the wedding. Like it was something already in the making and this was now a new hurdle we had to get out of the way. And from there, I don’t know…” Tina shrugged her shoulders and smiled as she leaned back against the window, still twirling her fingers with Bette’s, except now more relaxed.

Bette looked down at their hands still swaying and every digit caressing each other, this felt warm and safe. She smiled and softly said, “I missed you.”

Tina looked up and let her whole heart smile right back.

TBC……………………………………………………………