For some reason, that made sense to Tina. They were just having fun. And she was curious. Maybe she could experiment with Alice. She was too nervous to ask Bette. She looked up at Alice and smiled. They shared another kiss. And then headed to Alices bedroom.

END OF MEMORY

Tina was now crying in her sleep. She couldnt believe that she had betrayed her wife over and over. That she had had ***** with someone else for months. She justified her actions with reasons that didnt make sense to her anymore, with reasons that were just wrong. How could she ever face Bette again?

I dont deserve to live. Not after what Ive done to her. She has done nothing but love me and take care of me. She gave me anything and everything Ive ever wanted. What the ***** was I thinking? I was thinking with my body not my heart. Bette doesnt need nor want anyone like me. Oh my god, this hurts so badly. I dont even want to know what Bette feels like but its what I deserve.

“Tina, wake up.” Tina recognized this voice. She loved this voice. She lived for this voice. But it couldnt be. She tried to open her eyes, after a few attempts she was successful. They fluttered, and when they finally came into focus, she was looking into those deep brown eyes. She started crying. She couldnt help it. “Please dont cry T.” then she felt Bette take her hand.

“Why are you here Bette? I know you dont want to be. I know you hate me, and I understand. I dont blame you.” Her tears continued to roll down her face.

“Alice came and told me what happened. I wanted to come down and see how you were. Tina, you need to stop this. I dont want you to get hurt. I dont want you hurting yourself. And please dont you dare try to kill yourself.” Bettes eyes were now welling up. She didnt know if she would ever be able to forgive Tina and be with her ever again, but she sure as ***** didnt want her to hurt herself or try to commit suicide.

“Why do you care Bette?”

Bettes ears couldnt believe what she heard. “Why do I care? Tina, you may have betrayed me and completely shattered my heart and my life, but I still care what happens to you. I still love you. I always will. I just dont know if I will ever be able to forgive you and be with you.” Bettes tears are flowing freely.

“Then I want to die. If I cant have you and be with you, I dont have anything to live for.”

“You have yourself.”

“But I dont have you. Youre what matters. Youre what I live for.” What was she going to do without her life? How would she get out of bed in the morning?

Bette was starting to get angry. If what Tina was saying was true, then why did she cheat. Why did she betray her? She still didnt have her answer for that. “If Im what matters, if Im what you live for, what the ***** would you ***** Alice? Thats one thing you havent told me Tina.” Bette released Tinas hand, and her heart broke even more, if that were possible.

“Bette, that had nothing to do with you. Not really. That was me and my stupidity. I was thinking with my body, not my heart. I had been with you for so long. You were the only woman Ive ever been with, I was a little curious as to what it would be like with another woman. I was curious. Thats the only explanation I have. I wanted to experiment. I was too damn scared to ask you. I was afraid youd freak out and think you werent good enough for me.”

“Well, I obviously wasnt if you had to ***** someone else.” Bette was in a wheel chair and started wheeling herself towards the door. But she stopped when she heard Tina sobbing. She was more confused than ever. Should she comfort the wife that broke her heart, or leave?