“Look it’s cool you know. That you can be with me-”

“Shut up Shane.” I stood there shocked and looked at her with my best, ‘who do you think you are?’ look. By now our drinks where sweating on the bar and the bartender was busy wiping the bar down and pretending he wasn’t listening intently to us.

“Just, just shut up.”

“You have no right-”

“Yeah I do have rights.”

“Not to me, not any more,” I said, the real pain I was feeling finally sounded in my voice and I turned away, hating myself for letting myself feel.

“I don’t really care that you don’t want to listen. This is something I have to say-”

“Oh, something Carmen needs, surprise,” I said sarcastically and hated myself for that more then anything else so far I had done. Who was I? I was that woman Carmen had accused me of being that morning Veronica called and she berated me for wanting people to kiss my *****. I decided I’d shut up from then on and Carmen seemed to realize this.

“What I did to you was horrible. I made you feel like it was my right to just take my- our love away. And it wasn’t, not after all you did for me to get to that place, were we could love each other. I know, god,” her voice broke but I kept my back to her, I was to selfish to turn around and see the tears there, cause then I would need to wipe them away. “I know! I know that you would never do anything like that. You would never hurt me, ever. Like that or in any other way. And I was so, so wrong to hurt you. It wasn’t my right, and I will always, for the rest of my entire, life,” She had been talking so softly I could barely hear, but at ‘life’, the word was said as she sucked in air and I cringed. She was almost sobbing by now, but had still managed to keep her composure. I stood straighter, feeling something inside me melt away. Like waves at beach were carrying something hard in me, out to the ocean. “Hate myself for granting myself the right to breach our trust and love like that. I’m sorry Shane,” the way she whispered my name made me shut my eyes. My own tears had long since been streaming down my face, but I never let myself whimper or shake, until now. I felt my back get cold and knew she was walking away.