Nope. She looked back up at Shane and flashed her a smile. Not until Wednesday.

Oh. Shane looked back down at the table and started picking at her fingernails.

Does it bother you, Carmen asked half hoping the woman across from her would say that it did. Instead Shane just shook her head.

Why do you do this Shane, Carmen said with a sigh.

Do what, She asked looking back up.

Why do you shut yourself off? Play it cool? Act like ***** doesnt hurt you when in reality your torn up on the inside just like the rest of the goddamned world. The anger in her voice was new and Shane realized that she had never seen the other woman angry.

You think seeing you kiss Jenny, tore me up, Shane asked with a scoff.

I dont know what seeing me kiss Jenny did to you. I dont think you know what it did to you. But you know what? Seeing you kiss that girl in the band, that hurt me. And I keep telling you that you dont have to explain, and you dont have to, but your lack of feeling, I dont have that, Carmen said her anger rising even more at the blank look on Shanes face. She understood that she had just taken a major chance. She didnt think that Shane was the type of girl who appreciated someone psychoanalyzing her.

I dont like being upset, or angry, or sad, Shane said her faade slipping a bit. or bringing other people into my problems. I like working things out on my own.

Which is fine unless you use your desire to work things out on your own as an excuse to not let people in. I know youve been hurt

You have no idea, Shane interrupted. The pain radiated out of her eyes. The tension in her body was visible. You have no idea.

So tell me, Carmen pleaded with her eyes. She leaned across the table and placed her hand over Shanes.

The warmth of Carmens hand loosened the knot in her stomach just a bit. She saw Carmen looking up at her and couldnt bear the thought of making her hurt any more than she already had. I cant.