‘This isn’t love. Its pain, and I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t need you making this hurt anymore.’ She looked up, eyes finally meeting mine. Whispers of apologies, accusations and God knows what else swirled in their depths. The futility of this was starting to hit me. ‘I don’t love you, I can’t love you.’ She paused, drawing in a deep breath, dragging this out just a little longer. Her eyes narrowed as she spoke. ‘I never did… This isn’t worth it anymore’

I stumbled back, the force of her words hitting me, stinging me. The meaning of it ringing through my mind, I wasn’t worth it, worth her, her love…

‘I should go’ I muttered, stepping slowly away from the bed. Our bed, the bed we…No, I wouldn’t think about it. It wasn’t worth it. ‘I should go’ I said again, still not quite grasping how things had sunk even lower.

‘Yeah, you should’ She laughed bitterly as she spoke. Just a joke to her. Just a joke.

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. This was it, this was goodbye. I picked up the bag from the floor, hefting it over my shoulder and walking over to her door. I paused in the doorway. I could feel her eyes on me but I wouldn’t face her, not again. Not after this.

‘I guess…’ I laughed myself as I realised the words that were naturally flowing out of my mouth, ‘I guess I’ll see you around.’ What was one more lie after all that had been said?

With that was gone, walking out of her room, out of her house, out of her perfect little life. My perfect life.

I balled my hands into fists, gritted my teeth and walked on. This was me, this was my life now. There was no going back, no more chances at the family I had always wanted. This my chance, my one chance, and I’d gone and screwed it all to hell. No, I wouldn’t go back into the system now that I new all those hopes were just dreams. I wouldn’t waste anymore energy pretending I was worth their time, not now that she’d told me the truth.

Head down, tears falling from my eyes, I kept my feet moving. Taking me away from this place that I had no right to sully with my presence. If I just got far enough away I could get her out of my mind. Forget her lies, her whispers in the night, her smiles and her touches. Just keep moving and I wouldn’t have to feel the burn of her words. Keep telling myself that there is nothing to feel. It wasn’t love.

If I just kept going I could accept her lies and start to believe my own.