“Wow.” Once again, the weight of how dire the situation had been settled in the middle of my chest, making it difficult to breath. Shane is even more of a atheist than I am.

“It was scary shit,” she shrugs. “And of course you would be terrified to lose her. We all were, but it’s different with you.”

“I guess that’s what I’m trying to say,” I struggle to formulate articulate words. “This whole thing…the way we broke up, the stupid shit I did afterwards. Dana, she forgave me. I hated that she got sick, hated, hated, hated what it did to her, but in a weird way, it was what made us friends again. She started to let me back in and I am so grateful for that.” I realize I am probably not making any sense and I take a few, quick breaths to control my racing heart. “I promised that if she came out of this OK, I would tell her how I felt.”

Shane touches my shoulder. “I think she already knows.”

“Doesn’t mean she feels the same way, Shane. And even if she did, and that’s a big if, since she broke up with me, it’s too soon to try and force a relationship on her. Look at what happened when I pushed her to move in with me when she wasn’t ready. And she and Lara are barely broken up…”

“Al, stop.” Shane interrupts, running a hand over her head, a sure sign her thought mechanisms are going a million miles a minute. “You know what Dana and Lara had and what you and Dana had are completely different, right?”

“I..I guess so.” I say, which is not fully true.

“I don’t think that you do,” she replies, finishing her beer on two, long gulps. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and looks me dead in the eye. “She was never in love with Lara.”

The revelation hits me like a shock of cold water and I feel my jaw go slack. “She told you that?”

Shane looks uncomfortable. “ I don’t think she meant for me to say anything and she didn’t use those exact words, but we had a conversation when she was sick. You were at the grocery store, remember? I stayed to keep her company while you were gone.”
I vaguely remember the day she is referring to and I also recall Dana was very quiet the rest of the afternoon.