“…. and I just can’t handle it” I say ashamed.

Ashamed. There I go again with that word. That ugly seven letter word.

“That’s bull shit! I’ve worked so hard for you, I had to rearrange my life for you and now, all of a sudden, you can’t handle it?”

She’s always did have a temper.

“Jodi, listen….. I’m just tired of trying to do things for you and you not appreciating it.”

“That’s it? Bette, that can be changed! All you need to do is talk to me about it and I’ll work on it.”

I could tell her sadness was starting to take over her anger. The volume of her voice became softer and her eyebrows started to lower.

I take a deep breath. “I’m tired of working on things, Jodi, I’m tired of working. We shouldn’t have to work so hard for each other. This is too hard for me.”

I should have taken in her sadness because her anger was coming back making it more difficult for me to do this.

“Fuck you! You’re just a coward! You can’t handle a little challenge! You’re going to be alone for the rest of you’re life because you’re too afraid to fight for what’s good for you!” she looked up to avoid the tears that would soon start pouring from her eyes.

“I’m sorry” was all I could mutter from my lips.

“You’ll regret this. A month from now, when you realize how lonely you are and how much you need me, I won’t be here.” and with that, she left. Just like that. She walked out of my front door and I immediately felt like that was going to be the last time I will ever see her.

That honestly wasn’t my plan. I didn’t want to do this so I wouldn’t have to see her again…. I didn’t want to do this at all.

I look out my window to see her car leave my driveway for the last time. The tears that were building up in my eyes finally found relief on my cheeks. I whipped them quickly, trying not to let myself be weak.

Trying to distract myself, I walk into the kitchen to pour glass of wine. When I approached the window I saw Shane, across the yard, sitting on her front porch, smoking a cigarette.

After pouring my wine I found myself on the same front porch with my head leaning on Shane’s shoulder.

“So you did it huh?”

I look up at her with my red, swollen eyes, “How’d you know”, I asked confused. Who am I kidding? Shane knows everything.

“I saw her leave….. She looked upset….I just assumed.”

“Yeah….. I did it….. Again.” This time there was no stopping my tears.

Shane-my good friend, Shane, My very wise, my very supportive friend Shane, wrapped her free arm around my shoulder. “You gonna finish that?” she pointed at my glass of wine with a smile on her face.

I chucked. “You’re a good friend, Shane.”

She smiled wider and tightened the grip on my shoulder.

“You’re just saying that because you’ve been drinking.”

I laughed and hit her arm playfully.

“Come on, Bette, Jenny’s making margaritas.” she said standing up and flicking her cigarette into the yard.

“That sounds wonderful” I said with a smile on my face.