Helena stood with her hand on the door.

Whos going to fix what?

Oh, nothing. Ellie said, developing a sudden interest in the ceiling.

Im going to take a shower. Said Helena.

She closed the door behind her. Tina followed her in to the bathroom, and Helena stepped in to the shower. Tina had to shout as she showered.

She knows Helena. Tina shouted.

Who knows what? She shouted back.

Ellie. She knows about Bette. I told her everything. She wanted to know why she looked so much like her. So I told her the truth.

What? You told her without me being there with you? How could you do that Tina? We should have done that together. Ellies my daughter too. I should have been there.

I dont see it that way. Tina whispered.

Did you hear me Tina? I should have been there, God dammit. You had no right to tell her without me being there.

Tina knew in a way Helena was right. She should have waited to explain things to Ellie when they were both together.

I dont see it that way Helena. Tina repeated.

I dont understand? What do you mean you dont see it that way?

Tina didnt answer.

What do you mean Tina?

I mean, Im Ellies mother, and when she asked me about Bette, I had no choice but to answer her questions. I owe her the truth at least. Tina said, Defensively.

Helena stepped out of the shower, and started towelling herself dry. She looked at Tina.

So what are you saying Tina, that Im not Ellies mother too, and I dont have a say in this?

Helena glared at her.

Tinas eyes widened.

Of course you have a say in this.

You didnt answer the whole question Tina, are you saying you dont consider me to be Ellies other mother? She Spat.

Youve always been there for Ellie, Helena, she loves you. You know that. Tina said softly.

Are you saying you dont think of me as Ellies other mother? Answer the ***** question Tina.


Tina knew Helena had always been there for Ellie, even before she was born. Helena had always considered herself to be Ellies other mother, and so had Tina, or so she thought. But for reasons unbeknown to Tina, lately she had not been feeling that way. And after the conversation shed had with Ellie earlier, those feelings had most definitely been confirmed. Ellie was indeed her and Bettes daughter, and no matter how far she had tried to bury that fact, no matter how long her heart had tried to deny it, that had always been the case. It was only now, ten years down the line, that she was ready to admit it to herself.


Tina shook her head.

No. She whispered, unable to look at Helena.

Helena felt the tears stinging at the back of her eyes, but she was damned if she was going to let Tina see her cry.

So what have I been doing for the past ten years, imagining that Im part of this family?
Helena fumed. Have I not been there for that child ever since she was brought in to this world? Or have I imagined the whole ***** scenario? Because from where Im standing, Ive brought her up, just as much as you have, and so I think Im entitled to call myself her ***** mother.

I know that.

Tina sighed She just didnt know how to put it in to words what she meant.

You have been like a mother to Ellie, Im not disputing that, Helena, and Ellie thinks of you like a mother, but . . .

But what Tina? Helena butted in. Then it suddenly dawned on her, the penny finally dropped.

You still think of Bette Porter as being her mother, dont you Tina? My God. What an utter fool Ive been. The woman doesnt even know she exists. Shes never had anything what so ever to do with Ellie, and you still think of her as being Ellies mother. After everything that woman did to you. Youre still in ***** love with her arent you? What was I Tina, the, less, painless option? A ***** meal ticket, youve definitely had me fooled Tina, for ten years I thought you were in love with me, but all the time, youve been pining away for Bette Porter. Did you think of her when you were ***** me too? Did you see, her face did you wish it was her ***** you instead of me? Screamed Helena.

She threw the towel on the floor and walked in to the bedroom, and started to get dressed.

Tina followed slowly, and sat down on the bed watching her. She knew she had hurt Helena, and she didnt want to do that, but she was tired from running away from the truth, and if she was being totally honest with herself, she had felt a weight had finally been lifted from her shoulders.

Im sorry Helena.

***** you Tina. Helena said through clenched teeth.

Youve made a mockery of our life together Tina. I feel used. I feel like youve used me all these years, just because you didnt have the guts to face her. You took the easy way out, and ran, only you didnt think of the consequences did you? Youve not only hurt yourself by not facing up to things, youve hurt me too. I loved you Tina, and I thought you loved me. Jesus, I got that wrong didnt I?

Youre wrong Helena. I do love you, and I have been happy in my own way with you all these years. You havent been living a lie. Its just, when I found Bette had been having an affair it broke me. It broke my heart. I was so much in love with her. She was everything to me Helena. I thought we were forever. Tina shook her head. And I shut part of me off. I never wanted to feel that kind of pain, that kind of loss, and I thought if I didnt allow anyone to get that close again I wouldnt have to. Im sorry Ive hurt you, but dont ever think I didnt love you, because I did. I do. I just cant be in love with you. I cant be in love with anyone, because I never stopped being in love with Bette. Its just, took me this long to realise that. Im sorry, I know you must hate me for doing this to you, and I dont expect you to forgive me, I dont think I will forgive myself for treating you this way. But I wont lie to myself any longer. Im tired of hiding from the truth. Its not fair to you, me or Ellie, or even Bette for that matter. Its time Bette knows she has a daughter, I dont know how shes going to react to that? She might not even consider Ellie to be her daughter. I just dont know. All I know is, I at least have to find out if she wants to be part of her life.

And what about you Tina. Do you want to be part of Bettes life? Helena said defeated. She knew she had lost Tina, so she wasnt even going to try and persuade her other wise. She had far too much dignity to beg, and even though deep down she wanted to, she knew it would be best to just walk away, with her head held high and her dignity intact.

I dont even know if thats an option. I mean I am still in love with her, but that doesnt mean she feels the same way. Besides shes got a girlfriend. I dont know how serious that is, but I would never try and interfere in her life, its been too long, I have no right to expect to walk back in her life after ten years, and just pick up were we left off. Bette probably moved on years ago, I dont expect otherwise. I bet she doesnt even give me a thought anymore. Im doing this for Ellies sake, she has a right to get to know Bette, and I think Bette has the right to get to know Ellie. I just hope either one of them doesnt get hurt.

Youre wrong you know. Helena said softly.

What do you mean? Tina replied looking at Helena with a puzzled look on her face.

I think she still loves you Tina. She talks about you constantly when I see her. And besides I can tell just by looking at her, that shes never got over you. Said Helena.

How? Asked Tina.

Because shes dead behind the eyes Tina. You only have to look at her eyes, to see that the light behind them has gone out.

Helena joined Tina on the bed and took hold of her hands.

Tina if you truly love her, and I know that you do. Promise me, youll do everything in your power to get her back. Because if you two really belong together, then Ill know it was worth it for me to just let you go, and believe me you dont know how hard that is for me to do, but Im going to do it, because I love you, and I want you to be happy. And if Bette Porter is the one who will make you happy, then I am more than happy to do that.

Tina reached out and stroked her cheek.

Thank you. I love you too. She said. And my love for you will make me stronger.

Tina watched the ache in Helenas expression and she wanted to make the hurt go away. But she didnt believe she could.

Im sorry. Tina said to Helena.


I know. So am I.








TBC>>>>>>>>>>