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    The Beginning 22

    From the previous chapter –
    At home, Tina slipped her shoes off and changed in to a big t-shirt as Bette pulled the covers off the bed for her, then tucked her in with a light blanket. She dimmed the light and kissed Tina’s forehead. “I will check on you in a little bit. Need anything?”

    “Maybe that heating pad we have in the bathroom? The cramps are getting worse, that might help. I don’t want to take anything just yet.”

    “Should we call Dr. Wilson?”

    “If they don’t get better, then yes. I am just so tired, Hon.”

    Bette returned with the heating pad, lifting the covers to place it gently on Tina’s belly under her shirt before taking off her work clothes and putting on a pair of joggers and a tank. She crawled in behind Tina to wrap her arms around her.

    Tina snuggled in immediately, Bette’s hand going over the heating pad, over the baby, over her world. When Tina’s legs were settled in their usual place between the brunette’s, Bette whispered in the nearest ear. “Rest, Baby. I am right here.” Tina sighed and nodded, closing her eyes. Held. Safe.


    Bette sat in the surgery waiting room, her hands cupping a full, cold cup of coffee which she had neither the energy nor the desire to drink. Or put down. Or throw away. She simply held it because unclenching her fingers and putting it down required a decision from her, and she was out of decisions. She was done deciding things that required anything from her.

    She already made some tough choices in the past two hours. Really tough, gut wrenching decisions, knowing what the conclusion of her day would be yet making the decisions anyway. All around her, she could hear beeping from the monitors at the nursing station nearby, overhead calls for assistance, hospital employees passing her on their way to or from somewhere, patients shuffling by with therapists.

    The hospital was a busy, busy place and she gritted her teeth, wanting the world to stop. Stop and take notice of the tremendous loss that was happening in surgery. Stop and mourn. Stop and notice that everything had changed.

    She envied the hospital staff in a way. Envied their ability to be surrounded by so much pain, so much hurt, so many decisions and still go about their business. She felt numb, a hallow shell of herself like she was forgetting something, had left something behind. And in a way she had.

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    1. “… and the river runs through it…” she mumbled, quoting William Wadsworth.”

      Apologies in advance for the length but well…you all know.

      Okay so I’m sobbing. And I am thinking to myself, Billy, Why are you sobbing? You knew this was coming. And it makes me think of “Terms of Endearment” when Emma dies and Aurora says: Somehow I thought when she finally went that it would be a relief.” So not true. So so so not true. And you know why? Because of the writing. We all knew the miscarriage was coming. We were warned. No surprise. Right? Wrong. Absolutely wrong. My God woman. Bette in the waiting room is one of the most heart wrenching scenes ever. Talk about a punch to the proverbial gut.

      Observations noted as I read. Again – Bette in the waiting room. Not knowing what to do. With even a coffee cup. Drink. “Or put down. Or throw away. She simply held it because unclenching her fingers and putting it down required a decision from her, and she was out of decisions. She had made some tough ones in the past two hours. Really tough ones.” Bette’s on automatic pilot. If that. She managed to kind of reach Kit but can’t even speak to her. You righted yet another terrible wrong by having our couple be together when this happened and there for each after the miscarriage. But Bette alone in the waiting room is prophetic and will stand the test of time in the lore of Tibette heartbreak. Nothing and no one can comfort this helpless and hopelessly lost Bette. There isn’t a blessed thing Bette can do for Tina but wait and be there for her. And she is. The writing is completely heartbreaking yet also totally exquisite. For lovers of this couple it is literally painful to read. Heartbreaking. Bette seeing the blood? The life on her hands. Super powerful stuff. But also somehow very oddly comforting in a way because if it had to happen to our Bette and Tina at least this time they are truly together. And we are with them. Or at least I feel that way. But….

      The red flags begin waving and the warning bells sound really loudly and quickly with Bette immediately pushing her grief down deep inside and believing that if she remains strong and her beloved is okay then she will by extension be okay. “Motherless and now childless, Bette felt the loss keenly. Unable to find the right combination of words to express her own sorrow, Bette fell back on her old coping patterns… shoving the pain somewhere deep in the crevasses of her brain, turning all her attention to Tina. And work. Somehow those words came easier, she knew what to say at work, she knew what to say to Tina to make the blonde feel better.” Motherless and childless. Another punch to the gut. But not so. Not so, Bette. You can’t carry the weight of the world. You certainly cannot carry all of this alone. It won’t work. You know it won’t work. Don’t even try. Don’t be Tina when Ellie died. Let it out and let her in. Do it, Bette. We know where this leads.

      So I thought this would be the hard part for me. But… That Bette couldn’t climax with Tina actually scared me.  A lot.  Totally upended me. More than a lot of other things ever have Tibette wise. It’s so very huge. Vastly huge. Makes me positively queasy. Truly sick. Why? Their physical connection is so very strong. So important to being – them!  Bette says it happens. No no no no no absolutely not to them. But it did. So how COULD this happen? Something is very very wrong and I wish Tina had not gone. So many questions as I read. Had Candace already made a move? Did Bette possibly respond? Or was Bette carrying around so much unexpressed grief over the baby that she just couldn’t relax enough and let go? Mind winning over body. Is it the loss of the baby? Tina was already worried about her. We know the only person who could be able to get Bette to let go and relax would be her Tina. That she cannot connect with Bette in their most basic and classic Tibette fashion freaks me out. If I were Tina this would be weighing on my mind big time. Despite all of their past problems sexual compatibility, sexual intimacy, their pure sexual connection was never as issue. Tina is beginning to heal a touch and Bette is clearly not okay. Not by a country mile.

      One’s first reaction to this, at least my first reaction, and Tina’s, was that Bette had cheated. Please no I thought. My mind was going there. Maybe just a kiss? No no not even that. More questions. Will Tina misinterpret Bette’s inability to climax as a rejection of her, a lack of interest, or guilt? Guilt over what? Guilt over cheating she thinks. It’s more than getting ready for a show. Bette should be able to turn her mind off about the show long enough to have sex with Tina. Is it just too much? Too much what? This is so majorly problematic. On so very many levels. This could totally change their relationship. And Bette doesn’t want to talk about it. And Tina is wondering and asking. And verifying her story. But she is also looking. And she sees Bette. Bette is not a liar. But Tina’s accusation is incredibly hurtful. One more gut punch. How much more can Bette take?

      Meanwhile – Tina goes to Dinah Shore and goes out drinking and has some fun and lets go and has pretty much of a very close call dodged a bullet big time uh oh moment. Glad that she stopped herself. Glad she eventually reacted the way she did. More questions. Now what will Tina do? How will she respond to her own actions? She’s got her grief over the baby, her guilt over this issue, and I would assume her worry over not being able to satisfy Bette, as well as guilt about doubting Bette and Candace, all converging at once. So much for a relaxing weekend. Alice does not help. And she does know this is not a good time to be going away. Bette practically put her in the vehicle. Bette kept telling her it will be good for her. “But will it be good for us?” Tina asked and the layers in that simple question floated by, neither wanting to dig deeper right now.” There is just so much to fret over. Foreshadowing of trouble ahead? No no no.

      And Bette? Bette silently kicking herself about the morning with Tina but pushing yet one more loss very deep down where she doesn’t have to think about it. This should be really eye opening for Bette. The loss of their baby and potentially the loss of intimacy with Tina. No Bette it doesn’t just happen – not with your Tina. And it only escalates. Tina’s confessions did not help. “But it was like Bette had shut down, the usual witty retorts quieted, the fire quenched, the eyes unfocused. It was all too much for her to take in, her own utter and complete embarrassment over the inability to come mixing with the thought of Tina in someone else’s arms dancing… it was all too awful to contemplate.”

      This kind of detachment in the series is what had contributed to Bette’s mind shutting off and her body going with Candace. Not this time baby. That you have righted yet another major wrong is so huge. So many of us just never ever accepted that Bette would cheat. Your solution is brilliant. We were all in Tina’s shoes. Wondering. Waiting. But there was simply nothing there. Ever. Wow! Fantastic. Still Bette needs to fall apart – with Tina – and then reconnect – with Tina. Major catharsis and then major mind blowing sex and major climaxes. Lots and lots of climaxes. With major flowers!!!! Because you promised! And we can’t have dead flowers. Not allowed. “There was something about seeing the flower in the bottom of her trash can that ignited a flame in Bette and she had clarity about what needed to happen now. It was so clear, so fucking clear. Each decision leading to the next and Bette felt instantly better, action would lead to resolution.” That’s right, Bette. So clear.

      And so glad they will have Angie sooner rather than later, conceived together with love. With so much love. And before I forget – you’re just not allowed to end this story. There was a vote. Next you tackle Tina and Helena ok? But I also know the Valentine’s Day check in is fast approaching. BK this is a brilliant chapter. Truly amazing. I wish I knew how your creative mind works. No need for Candace to really have done a damn thing. Tina’s imagination played some pretty crazy tricks on her. And I confess I bought into it a little as well. Trust your heart Tina. Always trust your heart. My God it’s just so -pardon me – f-ing brilliant. Just perfect.

      And now? And now Bette has arrived. Thank God. My favorite line? The writing throughout is brilliant but … That’s so very very easy. There are two. First one: Two simple words… “I’m here…” Bette replied, twirling Tina in the hallway, the tears coming.“ Yes, the tears are coming. And second, “Help me talk to you.” Thank you, BK. They are going to be okay.

        • Ahhh KP. So much in this post. I agree, Billy’s comment was (and are) brilliant. Sorry I sent you to work with puffy eyes. Next time my trigger warning will include a KP Puffy Eye Alert.

      • Thank you Billy. Bette in the waiting room was as difficult to write as it was to read, in large part because I have been that person in the waiting room for a family member – not a miscarriage and not with life blood on my hands – but numb and overwhelmed for sure. I think what we see from Bette in situations where she can’t fully grasp what is happening is this deer-in-the-highlights sort of look and I tried to envision what it would like for her to be on the other side of Tina’s surgery. The one thing she knows to do and is embedded in her very fiber (her DNA as JB says) is to be there for Tina. And she is. She steps up with no doubt, no hesitation into that spot that holds Tina up. But as several other readers have noted, it is at cost to herself.
        I wanted them to be together when they hear the news. That IC took that away from them is the catalyst for all the shit that comes next. Terrible. Imagine Tina having to drive home knowing they lost the baby. Bette having to leave the doctor’s office to rush to Tina’s side. No wonder they fell apart. But I digress..
        So I wanted two things when I set out to explain Candace – 1. I wanted Candace to be a non factor. A non-dace if you will. I wanted to take that power away from her and give it back where it always always belonged. I never once, not one second bought into the idea of Bette as a cheater. Not with Tina. And then 2. I wanted to set the stage for doubt. Doubt with the reader, doubt with Tina. We knew she had insecurities about cheating, we knew she was in depression over the baby… perfect breeding ground for doubt. So she questions Bette and then checks with James (which Bette told her to do but it still stung). Add in the problems in bed and the forced distance and viola! DRAMA.
        That being said, I am not one for drama for the sake of drama, it has to make sense. SO I could not leave a cliffhanger after all this emotion and I knew Bette would go to Tina for the two reasons you cited….the text asking for help and the simple “I’m here…”
        Could she have waited until Tina came home to talk things over? Yes. But just as circumstances played out to force the separation so too did events line up for Bette to take the much needed time off and be with Tina for as long as it takes to resolve things.
        Since you like symbolism, I purposely added the part of Bette looking at her hands in the shower (which she does in the episode if you re-watch it). We open with her seeing the blood on her hands and close with her watching them being washed clean.
        And yes there will be flowers, a garden of them.
        First the pain, then the rising… (Glennon Doyle)

    2. That was a beautifully written gut wrenching chapter. I feel the pain Tina has gone through and comfort she has felt with Bette by her side. I feel the depths of despair Bette is going through which I cannot help but feel is the cause of her inability to sexually connect with Tina. Depression and deep grief can cause sexual disfunction. And Tina is right to be concerned and right to be persistent at trying to get Bette to open up. But her own responses of questioning Bette’s fidelity to their relationship just throw big ass boulders into their path. And the fact that Tina has to leave on this trip to preserve her job makes things no easier. And of course the activities at the Dinah Shore weekend complicates things even more. The one thing that can be said is that all the cards are now on the table. They know what they have been dealt and Bette is making the brilliant move of going to Tina in Vancouver since she her trip has been extended. Even if they can only be together for a few hours at night, it will help. Bette needs to be in Tina’s arms at night to know she is loved and protected and wanted. Tina needs Bette for the same reasons. This will allow some of the misplaced trust to be restored so that they can once again open up to one another and help the other to heal. They will get through this… is truly a watershed moment in their relationship. What better time for the knock at the door to be the one you want to see the most in your life.

      I think Billy has summarized this beauty and the eloquence of the writing. Your story line is beyond reproach the best I have seen for this period of Tibette saga. It is realistic and true to the characters I know. This would truly be a crisis point in any relationship. And there are those who with less strength and fortitude be split up as a result. But your Bette and Tina simply are not willing to go that path without fighting to stay together first.

      Thank you for this truly magnificent piece….tragedy and the responses to them are difficult to write. But you leave us with hope…and with that I am grateful.

      • Martha, I agree, this is a beautifully written post. Thank you for seeing this couple the way they are written in this story. It is the grief and depression that prevents Bette from engaging in sex and from communicating with Tina, as you stated. I like the expression “watershed moment” because that is exactly what it is, well said. This is a crisis point and many couples don’t survive it, but you are right – not today says this Bette and Tina. No today. Thank you for following along with this story and my others. I look forward to your comments and enjoy reading your insight.

    3. I am in such an emotional heap I cannot read Billy and Martha’s Comments just now even though that is what I normally do.

      What a superb chapter dealing magnificently with this heart wrenching part of the Story. I longed to be with Bette in that waiting room just to put an arm around her and be there for her.

      Thank you, it seems inadequate but – thank you

    4. Superbly written! That’s exactly how the powers that be should have written this storyline before instead of breaking them up and making us suffer. Makes me so happy that Bette jumped on a plane! Excellent!!! Can’t wait for the next installment.

      • Thank you Trece! I think this is a good explanation of one direction the writers could have gone other than massacre this couple and make Tina seem like she has multiple personalities. Imagine if one… just one… writer had said… that doesn’t make sense…..
        Oh well, more to come, stay tuned!

    5. What a heart-wrenching chapter. It was a tough read, couldn’t get over the lump in my throat. How can you write something so sad yet so exquisitely beautiful? We all knew it was coming but no warning is ever enough to prepare you for such a heartbreak. I left my heart with Bette in the waiting room and her cold coffee cup. They’re both are flailing, for Bette’s incapability to find words is leaving Tina’s growing questions unanswered. Their ships were sailing away from each other without them even realizing how far it was gone. I trust you can steer them back together Captain. No more word could be said, the others took them from my tongue.

      Every time I read a new chapter of this story I feel like I’m wrapped in a bubble where nothing but Tibette and your scrumptious writing exists. Thank you for giving us this gift.

      • Blue, I left my heart with Bette in the waiting room too. You write, “They’re both are flailing, for Bette’s incapability to find words is leaving Tina’s growing questions unanswered” and if this doesn’t sum up the chapter then I don’t know what does! Well said. More TiBette Bubble to come… thanks for commenting.

    6. BK, absolutely no need to apologize for forgoing Tina moving out of their house. I guess Tina and Bette were protesting when you told them of your earlier idea of separating the couple. I guess they refused to participate in your earlier draft of the story. They probably told you that you tweaked the story and their characters just that tiny bit that now they were stronger as a couple, more …hmm…graspable as persons and that in this different setting it would be totally out of character for them to split up over miscommunication and cheating. ;)

      Thank you for this amazing, emotional chapter. Like Billy wrote: you have righted a major wrong. It’s not all sunshine and roses with Tina and Bette but it is such a treat to see how they learn to be great couple, how they handle their differences and problems and how they struggle sometimes but find their way back to each other to be stronger afterwards.

      To quote Billy again: You gave us some super powerful stuff.
      You like to confront Bette with the brutality of life in your stories, don’t you? Seeing Tina after Eric’s attack and Tina nearly drowning and bleeding after the boat accident in RWYR, Bette having been lashed and beaten in BB and now seeing Tina suffer and finally bleeding and miscarrying their baby. No wonder Bette learned how to put those kind of experiences far back in the depths of her mind.

      It’s in her DNA to be the strong one, to protect her loved ones, to…to feel in control. The steady warrior, like Tina said. What a great comparison!
      But with so many things happening at the same time, Bette just knows how to shelve her own feelings, her own despair to be able to function somehow. It was really heartbreaking to follow Bette from their bathroom to the waiting room at the hospital. It’s a wonder she managed at least to call Kit’s number even if she wasn’t able to utter only two words. Shaken to the bone and devastated.

      I loved how Tina remembered the time after her granny died and when she was shutting Bette out for too long. She learned a lot about Bette at that time. How she holds her suffering, her grief inside and how she needs time to process before being able to voice her pain. Tina knows now that she needs to be gentle but persistend to get Bette to lower her walls of self-protection and finally talk about her feelings.

      This quote from Tina made me sad: “…I feel this distance between us, this… loud void… and I don’t know what to do”. You managed to incorporate their drifting apart even without the crap with the C-situation. You made Candace a sore point for Tina, a trigger for her insecurities and a weak point for Bette because she wasn’t able to show Candace clearly where the line between being friendly at work and unwanted flirting was. Buuut I feel so relieved that in your version T + B talk about their situation. Tina voices her fear of drifting apart, of losing Bette and Bette is answering by taking the next flight to her girlfriend.

      Oh and I love Shane. She is such a great and loving friend, celebrating with Bette when Tina had to leave, taking care of her friend, staying ’til the morning and sensing that Tina would be too mortified of her drunken-dance-flirting moment too explain herself properly.

      Reading this chapter I constantly wanted to hug either Tina or Bette to console them, to support them or fortify them in their decisions.

      I’m simply overwhelmed, BK. Thank you so much for sharing this gem of a chapter with us.

      Stay safe and healthy – have a great week.

      • I love that you mentioned Shane. My post was so long and I didn’t include Shane. Shane is an absolute giant. What a true blue friend. So important. And yes, no need to apologize. The fix was very credible.

      • KP. Tina and Bette did protest. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t force the separation when it made no sense. And I realized I didn’t have to… all the pieces were there for there to be drama without Candace and without the sex fight and without Bette being completely marginalized during the miscarriage.
        I DO like to confront Bette with the brutality of life don’t I? Why is that? Not sure what that says about me, but you are correct – so far that seems to be the case in all the stories. Too funny. Maybe it’s time to write one where the roles are reversed. I think I see Bette as this quiet, steady warrior (as you mentioned) and Tina as more of the opposite. A good balance.
        I love Shane too. So matter of fact and tells it like she sees it.
        I wanted to hug them too. And make them soup and bring soft, cuddly blankets and ice cream over so we could all sit and watch Real Housewives and not fall apart.
        Thanks for commenting, I love to see your thoughts—

    7. I went through every emotion reading this chapter. First the miscarriage was heartbreaking. This line haunts me “And she would forever hear the wail of anguish that came from her sweet girlfriend “ And then the fallout. Bette couldn’t come? Bette & Tina never have problems with sexual intimacy. I was scared, afraid of the worst with Candace. Thank you for Bette not cheating. There was so much distance between them, it looked bleak. But I love this Bette & Tina – sure they have bumps in the road like we all do, but they find a way to deal with them. Bette going to Tina was perfect.

      I cannot get enough of this story. Brilliant writing, BK.

      And I love Shane, the wisest friend any of them could ever have.

      One other thing – love how you described Tina in her hella sexy jeans and brown spaghetti strap tank with no bra. One of my favorite Tinas.

      • Westy, WOW you picked one of the most gut wrenching lines in the chapter. The wail of anguish, giving sound to feelings. Showing what loss looks like. Tough to read. Tough to write. Billy also mentioned the fallout where Bette couldn’t come as being a pivotal and it was! It was. And I agree with you about Tina in the Dinah Shore outfit with jeans and the tank. Yowza. Thanks, more to come!

    8. Hey BK,

      Well you made me cry too! Such a touching, tender, gut wrenching chapter. I wanted to comfort them both! Hold them tight until the sorrow disappeared & the pain subsided.

      Like many other, I WISH, WISH, WISH this could have been the storyline in OG. This was the way it should have played out – the way it was supposed to be.
      So thank you for giving us this version and setting the record straight.

      There are so many lines that rang true, made so much sense & wish we would have heard them on the show.

      As many other have already commented, this chapter stands out for me as their way back to each other. Bette finally realizing that she needs and wants her wife, is ready to face their future, Can forgive herself & lay it on the line for her wife, how she feels and what she wants for them.

      Tina comes to realize how her actions have come to hurt them as a couple & wants desperately to make amends & get them back on the path of their life.

      Yes, we all knew this part of the story had to be told & thanks for the arc of this part of their lives taking this curve even though it was painful for them, but so necessary.

      Yes, Bette is always the warrior & worrier. Taking on pain & hurt to sooth her wife even if at times to her own detriment. Like any champion, she does it silently & willingly. But in the end realizes that she needs her anchor – the anchor of her life – her Tina – to fully weather the storm of their loss & the ocean of grief they both have to mend the gaping wound & find a way to get back to the light & hope again.

      Shane & Kit’s strength & care was touching & heartfelt.
      Alice – well you know how I feel about her.

      Thank you for this & the hope for their future.

      Bravo my friend.


      • Sorry is this comes off as harsh. Not my intent in any way. Was going to pretend this away but as I’m certain everyone can tell I feel incredibly protective of this story… Just curious as I totally don’t see it….what does Bette have to forgive herself for? Being there for Tina? Because she stepped up big time. Getting her through? Because she pushed her own pain down and was totally present for Tina. NOT even being tempted one little bit by Candace? Because she wasn’t interested and Tina hurt her by calling James to verify her story. Tina could have stayed home from Dinah Shore. Yes, Bette wanted her to go. Tina knew it was not a good idea to be leaving. It was Tina who walked right up to the infidelity line with that dance. And yet, ironically, Bette understands I think and does not overreact. Good Bette. Would Tina? This Tina who is now feeling some guilt for ever doubting Bette. Shane handled what happened with Tina beautifully. Bette now knows the impact on Tina. End of issue for Bette. This is a truly amazing Bette Porter. This Bette in the waiting room visualizing the blood and the loss of life is one for the ages in fanfiction. And the complexity and simplicity and symbolism of dead flowers? I really hope everyone can see the purity and maturity of the writing. And hopefully also recognize the authenticity and honesty of this story. Because in my opinion this is an absolute master class in writing.

        • So I think one reason Shane understood what happened with Tina because it probably mirrored some of her own miscues and mistakes – except hers most likely went all the way. If anyone could empathize with drunk, dirty dancing Tina it would be Shane. How many uh-oh moments has Shane had?
          I also want to reframe Alice. If you look at it from the perspective that she felt Bette had a right to know and was making jokes to get the information to her, well… it is not so bad. I would want to know if my gf was grinding on someone else. Did she choose the right time and place? Of course not but that is Alice. Also, Alice is excellent at adding to drama from a literary point of view, in good ways and bad.
          Thanks for loving this story Billy.

      • Collins, Thank you for taking the time to write. I am confused by your comments too. I would love for you to expand on what you meant. I don’t think Bette coming to see Tina was her “finally realizing that she wants and needs” Tina. That Tina is her anchor. It wasn’t a realization – All those thoughts were already true so Bette’s thought process is much different here, or at least I tried to portray it that way.
        I think she felt this all along? Needing and wanting Tina were never in doubt in my mind. Bette has done nothing that needs forgiving? I wonder if something I wrote was misleading in the sense that your interpretation was that Bette arrived at the hotel to lay it on the line. Martha used the term “all the cards are on the table” and I think that is maybe what you meant because that is more in line with how the scene was intended. She said “I’m here…” and that means I am here for you (Tina) knowing Tina is hurting too BUT also I am here for me (Bette) because I am falling apart.
        In my view, neither did anything wrong. Bette shut down, which is very understandable and Tina acted out a little, freed from some of her grief and fueled by alcohol she let loose. But stopped herself. Also understandable.
        We have two different opinions about Alice and that is totally fine. She was a minor nuisance but I have a friend like Alice – she will call me out on my bullshit (like Alice did playing “Dancing Queen” when she dropped Tina off) and push the joke too far but at the end of the day, she is there for me. I always think about the scene where Alice and Shane put Bette to bed the night she crashes the get together next door and drinks too much. And Bette is sobbing and Alice basically climbs in bed with her and comforts her and apologizes. That is the Alice I walk away with and the one I write about.
        I don’t want to give the impression that readers are not allowed to have a difference in opinion on what I write. Because that is FAR FAR from the truth. I want dialogue and thoughts. Not everyone will agree with my interpretation of the couple and we all write them differently. That is what makes this site so much fun to participate in.
        But I do want to stand for what the story was intended and make sure it conveys what was wanted and it seems you had a different take away. I am not a perfect writer – remember when I messed up the hospital in Chicago in RWYA and put it in LA? But in this case I am confused by your comment. If you feel like it please share more on what you meant. Thanks

    9. Hi BK,

      I am still sobbing, this chapter was so heartwrenching! I hurt and cry for both Bette and Tina.

      I waited to read this chapter because i knew the impact it would have on me and i am glad that i did wait, this chapter will haunt my dreams for awhile.

      I love all the comments above and i fully agree with each of them!

      I want to point out one thing that catched my eye:

      “Bette smiled at her before leaving the room. She took a minute before reaching for the coffee mugs, the numbness covering her like a shroud. She felt Tina’s hurt deeply. Part of her wanted to rush back in there and ravage her girlfriend but another part of her felt like that would only make it worse. It was bad enough. The box of pain in her mind shook, the nails popping, threatening to overtake her, break free. She fought for control, not now, not now, not now. Keep it together, Porter.”

      And especially these lines, it made me weep for Bette: “The box of pain in her mind shook, the nails popping, threatening to overtake her, break free. She fought for control, not now, not now, not now. Keep it together, Porter.”

      This is how we know Bette, putting it all in a box, never to return to it, always trying to be the strongest, to be there for Tina, to hide her own pain. She is such a complex woman, apparently a strong woman, in control of her emotions but deep down a complete mess. And oh god, Tina asking her about C .. and implying that Bette cheated on her, that hurt Bette a lot and much deeper after Tina called James to check if Bette was telling the truth.

      This whole story was an emotional rollercoaster for both ladies and I am so happy that Bette decided to visit Tina in Vancouver. I hope this removes the distance that has developed between them and that they are back on track to recovery.

      I am so happy that you are writing your own version of Bette & Tina and have also decided not to let Tina leave the house temporarily. It is truly a pleasure to read your version, although this chapter has made me very sad. I am happy that I have at least one more day off to let this sink in in peace.

      Thank you BK! Stay save and healthy my friend!

      • But there will be flowers! BK promised. Tina having to leave for an extended absence for work as their time apart is brilliant. Just like Candace – BK allowed the reader to draw conclusions based on the series and worry and fret. I love that Tina didn’t leave due to problems in the relationship and there simply is no Candace. Tina’s self doubt created an issue. And it will be dispatched. This couple is so solid. In my book – Nobody writes a loving Bette and Tina like BK.

      • Yes BiBi, I love your comment. Bette is so complex. You helped me write this chapter you know, way back when it started there was a line in an early chapter where I foreshadowed Tina moving out and you emailed me to say “no no it can’t be, change it” and I took that to heart. It was an emotional roller coaster but now we are on the smooth part, now we can watch the conversation unfold that brings healing! Enjoy your day off and don’t let this get in the way of a good day! More to come, stay safe

    10. BK….what a heartbreaking chapter…yet so beautifully written. you continue to perfectly weave what happened on the show and yet…make it right…turn it right side up. we get to see the pain tina went through but ALSO what bette was going through more in depth. and it works. it’s bette and tina. both devastated in their own way. tina more outward but bette, keeping it inside. but you had tina more aware of what bette was going through and so she was there for bette, encouraging her to talk. but of course, bette won’t…the pain is too deep…and she doesn’t want to make tina’s pain worse. that miscommunication was a big issue with bette/tina season 1…but you’re making it right. not letting them drift apart. both realizing that they need to be there for each other.

      and that carpenter issue…perfectly handled! tina being there, JAMES (saves the day again!) being there to oversee Candace. NOT leaving bette alone to deal with the snake (didn’t she wear a snake skin vest outfit on the show? ugh). but also Bette shutting it down because there is only Tina.

      such a great chapter. im in awe of how you write bette and tina. that is all.

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