Losingthelight: just too good, I just experienced exactly the same, I knew it would be a mistake, but I had simply ignored the fact

LonelyHeart: and what has happened?

Losingthelight: I had to admit to myself that I am still not over a woman, but go on

LonelyHeart: well, when I had done the mistake, I couldn’t look into my own eyes no more. I had hurt her so much, so it was better leave, so that she didn’t have to bear me any longer

Losingthelight: you mean, you went away to protect her?

LonelyHeart: yes

Losingthelight: that sounds somehow like lying to yourself, no?

LonelyHeart: what do you mean?

Losingthelight: well, did you not rather go away, because maybe you couldn’t bear yourself any longer, because there probably was no argument for you that would have justified or reasoned this mistake?

LonelyHeart: perhaps you are right and no, there never was and until today isn’t an argument for it

And how right she was. There was nothing that I could have said at that time, what I could have done, no excuses, no arguments, no apologies. I was not ready to forgive myself how I could expect it from Tina then? And I didn’t want that she forgives me, because I had not deserved that.

Losingthelight: what was the mistake actually?

LonelyHeart: it would be nice, if I didn’t have to describe it more in detail, is that okay for you? let’s call it simply a mistake.

Losingthelight: of course it’s okay

LonelyHeart: you know, I try to close it, to process it and if I described that now, then I’d feel the pain again and that would be too much for me this evening

Losingthelight: it’s okay, why is it so hard for you to process it?

LonelyHeart: I miss her so much, she is the love of my life, she always was and she will always be. And lately I came to think about it, because I do not want to be without her. With her I was whole, now that important part of my life is missing. I know it sounds a bit corny but that’s the way it is

Strange, I read the sentence again, that I just wrote, because while writing, I just realized it. I have never dared to think let alone express it, but it is exactly like that. You are my life, Tina, and even so much more.