Losingthelight: is there a reason why you think about it so much right now?

LonelyHeart: I have been thinking about it since that time, but yes, I met an old friend again, a common friend

Losingthelight: the one who with you right now?

LonelyHeart: yes and we have talked about the past and how we’re doing today. She also made some mistakes, she more than regrets and today she really touched bottom, therefore she’s is still here

Losingthelight: you process everything together so to say?

LonelyHeart: yes, so to speak, but it’s much more, she has said something very important today

Losingthelight: what was that?

LonelyHeart: she said that she don’t want to just idly sit around any longer, that she has to finally do something, there I realized  that I never even had the idea to do something

Losingthelight: would you like to do something?

LonelyHeart: yes, I would, I just don’t know what

Losingthelight: why don’t you call her or just write to her?

LonelyHeart: well, in addition you should know that we’re not having contact no more, she doesn’t know, where I am

She was making jokes, what would you say, if I just called now or wrote to you? No, I can’t do that. And what should I write, there are still no apologies.

Losingthelight: of course it’s difficult, do you know where she is?

LonelyHeart: yes, I know

Losingthelight: so you could actually connect to her?

LonelyHeart: I could do that, but it’s hard, I don’t know just what to say to her

Losingthelight: tell her what you just told me, talk to her about your thoughts and feelings, when she still feels for you she will understand

LonelyHeart: and if she doesn’t understand?

Losingthelight: then you’ve already lost her and you would have to deal with the fact then that it’s finally over

This imagination is unthinkable, it must not happen, never. It gives me the chills. The thought makes me afraid.

Losingthelight: LonelyHeart still there?

If I lost you, what sense would everything have then? No, that must not be. I am ready to do everything whatever is necessary, whatever you require, Tina.

Losingthelight: hello?

LonelyHeart: yes, I am here, it’s so hard, thinking that I could have lost her completely

Losingthelight: I didn’t want to frighten you, I think you don’t know all that, you don’t know how she would react, you can think about that, when It’s time, don’t worry about it now

LonelyHeart: never mind, you only said, what could happen, but I’m afraid, I’m afraid of the uncertainty, afraid of not having the slightest notion of what she’s thinking

Losingthelight: but you will never know, if you don’t try

LonelyHeart: yes, I know, perhaps I will write to her, I will think about it

Losingthelight: yes, do that, when you’re a bit calmer, now everything is still very recent, and you have to care for your friend, so it’s surely not the right moment now

LonelyHeart: yes, I’ll do that

I don’t know why, but this strange woman had me convinced with so simple words. Yes, I will write, write, what I think, what I feel, what I would like and also, what I am ready to give, I’ll write everything down for you, Tina, so that you understand me, understand, what happened with me today and above all that you know I love you and never stopped.

LonelyHeart: hey, I’m very sorry, but I am so tired, perhaps we can talk further some other time?

Losingthelight: no problem, I’m also tired, but perhaps we’ll meet here again some time

LonelyHeart: sure, I’m surely going to stop by again

LonelyHeart: have a beautiful evening and good night

Losingthelight: you too, thanks, and sleep well

LonelyHeart: bye

Losingthelight: bye

I switched off the laptop and drank the last sip of wine from my glass. Now I really felt, how tired I actually was. It became time for bed.