"Where is Marina now?" asked Alice. "One year ago she has gone to Seattle, has opened a small bar there and is living there now. Actually, is very well. She told me that she has begun to work up the past that she still loves me and that she just wanted to know how I’m doing. She had thought about calling me for so long, to explain everything to me and to ask me for forgiveness, but anyhow she probably never had the courage. Only after a long conversation with Bette she decided to become active. As she said, it was time to act instead only to think. This was the reason, why she had called me. She said she would call me more often with pleasure if I agreed or even meet me some time. Well, and now I don’t know what I should do. Everything is so bewildering for me. Sure I would like to see her again sometimes. Nevertheless, my life was just completely crazy, after she went away. I have missed her so often, have missed our conversations. She was the best critic who I ever had. Well, and I believe, I have also loved her and maybe I even still do today. But I am afraid it would reopen old sores again that the whole fucking mess starts over again. I mean, I have fought so much in the last years. Wouldn’t it be foolishly to risk all that?" Jenny looked in our faces. Just now she noticed that Dana and Carmen had returned, that it was all quiet at the table and that Kit stood behind Al with her an open mouth and a startled face. I couldn’t say a single word, now the time had come. I was so well prepared and now the information hit me like a flash out of a clear sky. I wanted to say so much, ask so much, however, I was dumbfounded. "Why are you all so quiet? Have I said something wrong?" Dana stopped the silence: "Bette is in Seattle and she’s in contact with Marina?" Jenny looked terrified at me and held her hand in front of her mouth: "Oh my God. I’m so sorry."

I got up silently, took my coat and left the Planet. "Tina? Tina? … Tina, just wait… Tina!" I stopped and waited for Dana. "I was not prepared for it, not now, not here, not tonight." Dana laid her arm around me, pressed me tightly at her. "I know, I know." "I have hoped that it would be a little bit easier when I learnt where Bette is. And now, now where I have almost already found her, it is like a shock for me." "It is understandable. Look, you have searched so long, Tina, and now it is like this infinitely wide goal is nearly reached. You have fought so much for being able to go this way and now you are suddenly at your destination. This shocks all of us and it is only natural that you are confused." I laid my head on Danas shoulder, because it got heavier and heavier. Suddenly everything broke out of me and the tears ran across my face, on the one hand they were tears of relief, on the other hand, tears of fear.

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Dana put me on a bench and held me tightly in her arms. "I have found her, Dana!" "I know, I know." "Jesus, what I should only do now?" Dana gave me a handkerchief, looked at me with her so inimitably affectionate look and said hesitantly: "Being pleased?" "Honestly said, I cannot be glad at all. I feel nothing at all, only infinite emptiness." "I think this is the shock. But nobody requires from you that you know how to handle it out of the blue" "I know, and, nevertheless, I think that I should do something." "At first you have to sleep a night about it. So silly as it sounds, but the world looks completely different again on the next morning. When you are rested, you can think about everything." "I know." "Tonight no more decisions, okay?" "Okay!" "I’ll get you home and stay at your side if you want." "Yes, that would be nice, thank you." "Hey, it’s okay, that’s what friends are for."

Around 7 o’clock I woke bathed in sweat. Was that all just a dream? I tripped to the living room. "Oh my God!"